..Ruines..

by Tosha on September 24, 2006, 08:06:03 AM

Yoindia ShayariAdab > Shayri ( Poetry ) or Shayari > Shayri-E-Dard > English > Topic: ~~..Ruines..~~

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Tosha

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As I walk down this road
Of my life
I set my eyes on the ruins
That it holds
Leaving some signs behind
The broken heart gives its way
For the loneliness to come through
Because there had been a storm
Which turned my whole life around
I didn’t care what it did to me
All I knew it was
To spare my life again
Things were back to normal
But the thieves kept coming
Taking all that belongs to me
And it isn’t ever to come back
Am I left with hope?


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Shikha12

Guest

~~..Ruines..~~

«Reply #1 on: November 25, 2006, 10:32:27 AM »

Good One Again.... Tosha...


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Tosha

Guest

~~..Ruines..~~

«Reply #2 on: December 04, 2006, 05:24:19 AM »

thanks Shikha Di.

I've edited this poem.

how does it sound now??

As I walk down this road
This road of my life
I set my eyes on the ruins
Ruins that it holds
Leaving the scars behind
The broken heart gives way
For the loneliness to come through
There had been a storm
And turned my whole life around
Did I care for what life’s done to me
All I knew it had to spare my life again
Though things get going again
The thieves won’t stop coming
Steeling even the leftovers
And it isn’t ever to come back
Am I left with a hope?


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Shikha12

Guest

~~..Ruines..~~

«Reply #3 on: March 10, 2007, 06:15:19 AM »

Changes are always for betterment.... Usual Smile

Though I don't know much about english poetry, yet I would like to suggest...

In edited version, First Four lines are very fine, Rest the Poem is more good in Old Version only... as it seems easy to understand feelings of Old Version... (This is my thinking only Usual Smile

).. But you know much better.. Usual Smile

I hope you don't mind...