never secrifice

its a long story...but its real, the way i experience the life...( sorry but could not say my 3 years of life in just two three lines)

well when i was a small child was always facinated with beauty,n always thought after seeing an extremely beautiful gal that why god did not created me so beautifully... i know i was not bad at looks but some how i always envy very beautiful gals.

started going to college, quarrling over trivial matters..... got n number of proposals, but i used to laugh at cos i never know wat attracted them to me, further i never thought of anyone as i always thought of giving this right to my parents n never ever go for love marriage. so my friends always took me as very sensible n mature thinking gal with a very lively attitude.

completed graduation... got admission in MBA n was very happy. now i felt i am a grown up gal... but never knew life is going to take though trials from me.

again same story... college madness..........

still remember it was 31st oct n was the Bday of one of my friend.. 6 of we friends went to celeberate, the Bday guys cousin brother also joined us who was our senior in college too.. we all were trying to create lively environment , But may be he felt indecent behavior and gifted all of us with comments with were almost indigestible, we all came back in hostel crying bitterly.

all my 5 friends self promised to took revenge from that guy...but i was surprised as to how can a person even behave like this, he is too oversmart, n may be superflirt n nonsense guy.. thats all what i felt of him and decided not to talk to him in future.

my friends were always arguing with him on some or other thing... over the time may be that trivial figths coverted into good level of understanding and now all of them were one.. n one for all

6 mths were over...

it was march 12th..i was sitting alone waiting for my friend, suddenly he came n sat by my side. felt sorry for his behavior in Bday party. but i felt he is try an impression over me.

21st march. 9 am... the moment i entered college he proposed me in front of all ... my friends,classmates,juniors, seniors..all i know he was open, funny, n may be trying a new prank.. so ignored him n didnt reacted thinking to be joke of him.

same day at 2'o clock my result was expected. but he came n trying to make me comfortable with his little jokes,telling me my result before the gudget could come, i was surprised.. get to know he enquired my result 1 week earlier from secret sources.

1day..2 days.. 3 days.. his madness was increasing..never even let anyone talk to me n in fact himself come n sit by my side to convince me.. now i was fed of all jokes.i was so much fed up that i thanked god not to made me extreme beautiful.being an average follwed by so many stupid guys... wat abt those who are very sweet and charming.now i  requested him not to talk to me.

surprisingly he stopped talking to me... whole 1 mth he saw me.. watched me but never ever come near me.

till now all my friends also also convinced with his madness... n blamed me for being so rude.

26th april... he came last time to me as it was his last day in college...to know my answer..which was 'NO'.. as though i felt madness but was not clear as to what thing was making him run for me.since he was the one who just need to see any college gal once.. and they will give their hearts.

as i said no...his eyes became wet n said" dont worry... it will happen to you... you will love some one but will never get..' n so many words which r still ringing my ears. first time one one cursed me on my face...

30th april...i my whole family had narrow escape. met with an accident... dont know whether my loved one will come back of hospital or not....

now co-related his words... felt guilty of hurting someone so badly..yes hurt someone so much that god is punishing me.

thanks god all lives were saved.. but still i could not make myself free of guilt. infact all of my friends also thought me stone hearted n stopped talking to me. i was living just in name of living with guilt in my mind.

dec 2nd after 6 mths.. he came back with a job .. still wanted an answer. this time i could not say him no. thought lets secrifice my life for some one else's happiness. although he was not my dream figure...

said yes but could not meet him for next two mths as got busy in my exams. n used to talk over the phone.. i was very happy to make some one else happy...and thought of introducing him to my parents.

on 20th feb got to know he is getting wedded ... with his boss(who was elder than him by 5 years... whom he used to call the most characterless gal he had ever seen) and it was a love marriage!!! gr888888888888

good secrificed my happiness for some one else and hurt my self!!

i was shattered down... quite for two years.. never said a single word to anyone... lost my words...lost self respect...lost my smile..and got tears in my eyes...


now its years past... got settled in my carrier..

after that many guys came in life... some were interested in marriage some in friendship... but could not thought of some one else... infact always got a smile on my face when some one shows interest as i have lost faith... faith in love.. faith in fiendship... faith in secrifices... faith in friends who induced me to say yes... faith in self...


but my journey didnt stopped here... my parents introdued someone to me for wedding... liked some one from my heart.. said yes.. but then may be my family had some confusions about the guys family... they were not ready... so have to say him no... n move further... this relation ended 20 days... met  him two times just...
 
one when i said yes to him..

2nd when i said no to marry...(2nd but last meeting)

but both of us were attached somewhere... saw his eyes full of emotions n tears..

but this time again i secrificed my happiness for my family...n hurt some one else this time..
this is my life!!!!

yes isha unfortunately it happened with me.....i suffered alot for making every one happy around me...

thanks isha... but it take me years to express and gather courage... i was just quite for years...and thought of never sharing but today i hurt someone else...
 earlier i was hurt when tried to make my friends n that person happy.. today i hurt someone else for watever reason whether it was my family or watever...
sach kahu to aaj muje apni hi najro mai bahut guilt ho raha hai... but was supposed to hurt either my family or the one who had real love for me.....

if you dont mind to share... can i ask ur feels...

sure dear... but if u feel like sharing, no imposition from my side... u wont believe how relieved i am feeling to share... before a few min i was feeling all alone.. now having a friend thats you.... thanks.

S H I I T Happns sumtimz. . . . . well ana i think everyone would have been 'or' will have to face the bad phase of life. It happns.

Personal Advice @--> DIL PE MATT LE YAAR

jahan tak sacrifice ki baat hay...always remember, we get back what we give multiplied many times...

things happen slowly in nature...we might not see the result of our good deeds immediately...but somebody someday will do for us what we did for somebody in the past...that is for certain...its law of nature...we just need to be patient...

i did not say that we should for future to do good things...all i said is that we should keep doing good things irrespective of whether we get the good in result...

coz sooner or later good deeds always produce happiness and bad deeds alwyas produce misery...

if you have done good for someone and the persons hurts you in response then he hasn't hurt you, actually he has hurt himself because he will get the same treatment in future...this is for sure...we need not worry about others, because everyone gets the result of their Karma...we should just worry about ourselves, that we should always do good Karmas...no matter what other people do with us...