never secrifice

its a long story...but its real, the way i experience the life...( sorry but could not say my 3 years of life in just two three lines)

well when i was a small child was always facinated with beauty,n always thought after seeing an extremely beautiful gal that why god did created me so beautifully... i know i was not bad at looks but some how i always envy very beautiful gals.

started going to college, quarrling over trivial matters..... got n number of proposals, but i used to laugh at cos i never know wat attracted them to me, further i never thought of anyone as i always thought of giving this right to my parents n never ever go for love marriage. so my friends always took me as very sensible n mature thinking gal with a very lively attitude.

completed graduation... got admission in MBA n was very happy. now i felt i am a grown up gal... but never knew life is going to take though trials from me.

again same story... college madness..........

still remember it was 31st oct n was the Bday of one of my friend.. 6 of we friends went to celeberate, the Bday guys cousin brother also joined us who was our senior in college too.. we all were trying to create lively environment , But may be he felt indecent behavior and gifted all of us with comments with were almost indigestible, we all came back in hostel crying bitterly.

all my 5 friends self promised to took revenge from that guy...but i was surprised as to how can a person even behave like this, he is too oversmart, n may be superflirt n nonsense guy.. thats all what i felt of him and decided not to talk to him in future.

my friends were always arguing with him on some or other thing... over the time may be that trivial figths coverted into good level of understanding and now all of them were one.. n one for all

6 mths were over...

it was march 12th..i was sitting alone waiting for my friend, suddenly he came n sat by my side. felt sorry for his behavior in Bday party. but i felt he is try an impression over me.

21st march. 9 am... the moment i entered college he proposed me in front of all ... my friends,classmates,juniors, seniors..all i know he was open, funny, n may be trying a new prank.. so ignored him n didnt reacted thinking to be joke of him.

same day at 2'o clock my result was expected. but he came n trying to make me comfortable with his little jokes,telling me my result before the gudget could come, i was surprised.. get to know he enquired my result 1 week earlier from secret sources.

1day..2 days.. 3 days.. his madness was increasing..never even let anyone talk to me n in fact himself come n sit by my side to convince me.. now i was fed of all jokes.i was so much fed up that i thanked god not to made me extreme beautiful.being an average follwed by so many stupid guys... wat abt those who are very sweet and charming.now i  requested him not to talk to me.

surprisingly he stopped talking to me... whole 1 mth he saw me.. watched me but never ever come near me.

till now all my friends also also convinced with his madness... n blamed me for being so rude.

26th april... he came last time to me as it was his last day in college...to know my answer..which was 'NO'.. as though i felt madness but was not clear as to what thing was making him run for me.since he was the one who just need to see any college gal once.. and they will give their hearts.

as i said no...his eyes became wet n said" dont worry... it will happen to you... you will love some one but will never get..' n so many words which r still ringing my ears. first time one one cursed me on my face...

30th april...i my whole family had narrow escape. met with an accident... dont know whether my loved one will come back of hospital or not....

now co-related his words... felt guilty of hurting someone so badly..yes hurt someone so much that god is punishing me.

thanks god all lives were saved.. but still i could not make myself free of guilt. infact all of my friends also thought me stone hearted n stopped talking to me. i was living just in name of living with guilt in my mind.

dec 2nd after 6 mths.. he came back with a job .. still wanted an answer. this time i could not say him no. thought lets secrifice my life for some one else's happiness. although he was not my dream figure...

said yes but could not meet him for next two mths as got busy in my exams. n used to talk over the phone.. i was very happy to make some one else happy...and thought of introducing him to my parents.

on 20th feb got to know he is getting wedded ... with his boss(who was elder than him by 5 years... whom he used to call the most characterless gal he had ever seen) and it was a love marriage!!! gr888888888888

good secrificed my happiness for some one else and hurt my self!!

i was shattered down... quite for two years.. never said a single word to anyone... lost my words...lost self respect...lost my smile..and got tears in my eyes...


now its years past... got settled in my carrier..

after that many guys came in life... some were interested in marriage some in friendship... but could not thought of some one else... infact always got a smile on my face when some one shows interest as i have lost faith... faith in love.. faith in fiendship... faith in secrifices... faith in friends who induced me to say yes... faith in self...


but my journey didnt stopped here... my parents introdued someone to me for wedding... liked some one from my heart.. said yes.. but then may be my family had some confusions about the guys family... they were not ready... so have to say him no... n move further... this relation ended 20 days... met  him two times just...
 
one when i said yes to him..

2nd when i said no to marry...(2nd but last meeting)

but both of us were attached somewhere... saw his eyes full of emotions n tears..

but this time again i secrificed my happiness for my family...n hurt some one else this time..
this is my life!!!!

thanks i reallly never thought i will share all this with so many people... was reluctant to share even with those who were very close to me... but really feeling very good to know i have some friends...
 aur sach kahu hamara motive sirf yahi tha ki shayad koi ek aisa insaan bhi meri story parh le jo kisi aur ko aise hi stupid motives ke liye hurt kar raha hai... shayad meri pains jaan kar agar koi bhi kisi ko hurt karne se pehle ek baar bhi sochega to bahut achha lage ga.
and you r right god is looking for my mr perfect...
but sach kahu kabhi in sab se tang aa kar lagta hai.. ki meri shadi ho jaye jaldi jaldi... kam se kam har koi paas aane ki koshish to nai kare ga....
but may be you r right  .... his way of working is different...different from human beings...

hmmm right

but sometimes ppl do get hurt even when we dont intend to?.....is it karma too???