:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD :: -Panna 2:Shairi - E

pandit

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Re: :: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2005, 03:54:39 AM »

Quote from: "myheart_ursonly"

"StOrY oF a GiRl" - amit, verma_amit_4u@yahoo.com

I am telling you the story of a girl.
Beautiful, five feet three, her hairs had a curl.
She loved a guy, rest she left to fate.
She loved him a lot, and often asked for a date.

She loved him with all his heart.
She had a strong belief, no one can do them part.
She gave him her helping hand,
and asked him to hold it till the end.

She thought of the boy everyday, but
dont know why she thought he will get away.
She used to cry all alone,
through the times when no one was home.

She used to stare on his own past life,
was it really worth her strife?
She used to say i would die for you,
and he always replied i'll die for you too.

They promised each other, they would never cry.
And if one does, other will wipe them dry.
She said no matter what happens, i'd be on your side.
But promise me, LOVE, nothing you'll hide.

He said our love is so strong, that no one will dare to do us part.
And if anyone dares, i promise, i'll tear them apart!
One day she realized the distance between them made a serious effect.
And soon, like the start, nothing was perfect.

Sometimes she thought how much he speaks is true.
She wanted him to prove when he said "I LOVE YOU".
She often complaint, you dont value what you say.
He only said "I LOVE YOU", why do you feel that way?

With questions of doubt, each and everyday.
Their love was breaking. The love, which never meant to decay.
Everything will change, he promised her each coming day.
Staring at him in tears, she asked, WHY NOT TODAY?

Time went on slowly, and nothing was fine.
Doubts in her mind, kept showing their shine.
The guy was really hurt, and one day he commited suicide.
And the news next day read, a guy, 20, yesterday died.

she went into tears n said, darling i never meant this way.
And it was true, hers doubts took her most precious thing away.
Early next morning, when no one was near.
She also commited suicide, coz his death she was unable to bear.

It was not supposed to end this way with a weep.
Now they are both frozen, forever in a sleep.
She always wanted to stay with him all his life.
She was waiting for the day to be called as his wife.

But the doubts for sure, can cause a relation, death.
So dont let doubts take away your precious last breath.
The lesson i want you to learn is what they all say.
If you love sumone, just dont let them go away.

i'd like to see your comments and please do not forget to vote on my first ever story based poem. thanks.

Usual Smile

very-very nice and heart touching.. Puzzled !


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Chaman ko chaman ki baharon ne loota,
sahil ko kishti aur kinaro ne loota,
aap to ek hi kasam se dar gaye,
hume to aapki kasam de kar hazaron ne loota.

myheart_ursonly

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Posts: 8745

:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2005, 07:28:17 AM »

Quote from: "nidhi_yadein"

wow..........heart.....its so good that it has made me to cry. :cry:

Keep writing,its really very nice.

dont cry yaar... roya mat kar... hansti hui achchi lagti hai... aise >> Usual Smile


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myheart_ursonly

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:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2005, 07:30:09 AM »

Quote from: "bobby.soni"

HI Myheart

this is really nice , its nice to read the poem , ye poem padh ke mujhe kuch bitte hue dinno ki yaad aa gayi

this cant be expressed in words. so i cant give the rating to this poem , but if i hav to give fr the above options it must be excellent

hi bolly.soni

thanks for commenting on my work. this is just a thouught of my mind, and the end is much sad. but nothing unpredictable. much like a love story with a sad end! Usual Smile


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myheart_ursonly

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:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2005, 07:30:46 AM »

Quote from: "bond"

salutes................

lol ....... thnx bond... accepted glasses2


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myheart_ursonly

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Re: :: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2005, 07:31:33 AM »

Quote from: "pandit"

very-very nice and heart touching.. Puzzled !


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nikki

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:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2005, 08:50:56 AM »

wao tooooooooooo good n touching.


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myheart_ursonly

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:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2005, 12:05:27 PM »

Quote from: "nikki"

wao tooooooooooo good n touching.

thanks so much Usual Smile


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myheart_ursonly

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:: sToRy Of A gIrL : yOuR cOmMeNtS nEeDeD ::

« Reply #22 on: February 05, 2005, 09:44:39 AM »

thank you friends, i just wanted to share some comments on another poetry site,

votes : 53, rating : 4.7/5

Comments
amira ( F P C ) at 2005-01-29

aww wow its fantastic really amazing ur one of the most talented poets on this site.....its incredeable i loved it alot, alot and also u were perfect in attracting our attention to DOUBTS u r very right....keep this wonderful talent up and write us more.

amira

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Meena ( F C ) at 2005-01-30

Excellent! It's true how relationships sink because of doubts...
take care

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Heather at 2005-01-30

Chick- u rocked this one! Awesome Job

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Mansi at 2005-01-30

wow.....so beautiful, ur words,emotions r so deep.Dis poem has really touched my soul.Wish no1 face dis situation ever.Amazing work,kkeep it up

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Amanda ( C ) at 2005-01-31

all i say is wow good job

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*cOnfuZed* ( C ) at 2005-02-01

great poem and yes it is true........good job!!!
*~~`SoNjA`~~*

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Tragic ( F C ) at 2005-02-01

hey this is really good sad story and it has a good message and meaning thanx for writing this, your friend tragic

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hullo ( F P C ) at 2005-02-02

Of course it deserves a comment. Very nice work, dear. Keep writing! There's a message there...

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Krammy ( D ) at 2005-02-02

wow, I have to say that it brought tears to my eyes. This one really hits home, no this exact thing hasn't happened but I sometimes feel that way in the relationship I'm in now. It was very well written and very very good! Excellent job!!

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Xx Shalisa xX ( F C ) at 2005-02-02

I can really relate to this poem and thats why me and my ex broke up. I doubted his love for me and I guess he got sick of me complaining about it! But this was awesome. Keep writing.
SHEEST

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Xx Shalisa xX ( F C ) at 2005-02-02

I can really relate to this poem and thats why me and my ex broke up. I doubted his love for me and I guess he got sick of me complaining about it! But this was awesome. Keep writing.
SHEEST

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Renee Murdock ( F C ) at 2005-02-03

omg...i love this poem..it is really good...it makes my work look so childish and not intelligent, i cant really get big words like that to rhyme...i gave it a 5 and i hope you will check out some of my other work...thanks..Renee

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iwanttobalone ( C ) at 2005-02-03

wow,, chica this poem was awesome.. i loved it truly

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Amanda ( C ) at 2005-02-03

Oh my, I so much love this poem. I love everything that I"ve read of yours. This one is certainly a 5. I look forward to reading more things you write. You're so talented. Wonderful...
~*~AMANDA~*~

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RoSeBuD ( C ) at 2005-02-03

hi!

thank for all people for your support. i am new to this place.

thanks amira, for ur kind words. your work is also nice, and Meena, you are sure a wonderful poet, you write amazing love poems. Thanks heather, my close friend mansi, amanda, *confuzed*, tragic, hullo (my sis friend), and heartily thnx for all ppl who commented and voted on my work. God bless u all!

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Jenny at 2005-02-04

it has a really good message to it!!! Good Job!!!

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