Joke of the day

There are three men an american an japanese and a fat guy the american junps out and says god bless america the japanese jumps out and says go bless japan the fat guy jumps out and says god bless whoever i land on. And he died happily.

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- Chahat

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
Well, the kids hate me for one,
and the teachers hate me, too!'
Oh, that's no reason not to go to school.
Come on now and get ready.'
Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
Well, for one, you're 52 years old.
And for another, you're the Principal!

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- Chahat

A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill
Clinton.
Bill : I want to show you the US advancement.
come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bill : Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bill : more..more..more...
(Sardarji went upto 100 feet)

Bill : So now , try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago
we used to have telephones.

( Sardarji became frustrated.)

He invited Bill to india. Next year Bill had been
in India
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
(the same, he takes Bill in forest.)
Sardar : dig it .
(Bill does.)
Sardar : more ..more ..more .......... (Bill goes
upto almost 400 feet..)

Sardarji : try to find something.
(Bill tries.)
Sardarji : did you get anything ?

Bill : no.

Sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS

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- Chahat

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven. As she stood in front Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rabri,

"Who's clock is that?"

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he Never told a lie.
"And whose clock is that?"

That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his Entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a Ceiling fan".

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- Chahat

Dear Cat Owner,

Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Don't get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The DOG

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- Chahat

Jim goes on vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they are visiting Jerusalem, Jim's mother-in-law dies.

With the death certificate in hand, Jim goes to the American Consulate's office to make arrangements to send the body back to the U.S. for proper burial.

The consulate, after hearing about the death of the mother-in-law, tells Jim that sending a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive -- it could cost as much as $5,000. The consulate continues and explains that in most cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body in the country where he or she passed away. This would only cost $150.

Jim thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The consulate, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says Jim. "You see, I know the story of a person buried here in Jerusalem many years ago. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance..."

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- Chahat

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to his hometown after graduation because he could be a big man in this tiny town.

He really wanted to impress everyone, so he opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, "No! Absolutely not! You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

"I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

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- Chahat