Johnny ...

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

Little Johnny had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother's patience was wearing thin.

"If I hear you call 'Mother' one more time, you will be punished," she warned him.

For a while it was quiet, and then she heard a small voice from the top of stair, "Mrs. Paul? Can I have a drink of water?"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny.  "Giving up?"

Realizing that their home just wasn't big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny's parents discussed moving to a bigger one.

Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then added, "It's no use.  He'll just follow us anyway."

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.  

"Yes," he said.  "I do.  My dad taught me."

"Good.  What comes after three?" she asked.

"Four," answered the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," said the teacher.  "Your dad did a good job.  What comes after ten?"

"A Jack," says the kid.

Wednesday morning, Little Johnny comes into class late.

The teacher called him to her desk and said, "Johnny, This is the third time you've been tardy this week."

Thinking of a punishment she says, "I want you to make a sentence out of these three words: defense, deduct, and detail."

So at recess Johnny comes back into the room and tells her that he's done.

He recites it to her: "De head of de duck goes over de fence before de tail.  :wink:

Little Johnny went into the confesson booth with a turkey in his arms.  Johnny said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  I stole this turkey to feed my family.  Would you take it and assuage my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the priest.

"As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Little Johnny sobbed, "but he refused.  Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Little Johnny's tears stopped, a smile returned to his face, and he rushed home to his family.

When confession was over, the priest returned to his residence.  When he walked into the kitchen, he found his Thanksgiving turkey was missing!