:: myheart_ursonly's jokes collection ::

A new teacher, trying to make use of her Psychology courses, began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up."
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.

The teacher asked, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, Ma'am," he said. "But, I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."


 :mrgreen:

lol thnx   :lol:

How'd you die?" the first blonde asked the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful" says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to
death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde.
"You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes.
But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you
kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping.".

How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde. "I had
a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see I knew my husband
was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to
the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the
second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I
could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart
attack and died."

The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity, if you had only
looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."


 :dance:

lol meena ji


heres one more



A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"
The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."



 :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:

hi e1


here is one more...


12 reasons not to go to vvork


1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.


 :baaa:

HA HA HA HA!!!

a lawyer, hindu priest, and a rabbie are walking, lost, in a corn field. They come upon a farm house and decied to ask if they can stay there. They go up and the farmer says. Well i dont have enough room for all of you in my house one of you must sleep in the barn. So the hindu priest goes out to sleep in the barn. The farmer hers a knock on the door just as everybody is settiling downs and its the hindu priest. "I am very sorry sir "he says "but i can not sleep in there because there is a cow in there and the cow is sacred to me any my religion." Ok thats fine the farmer says switch places with the rabbi. The rabbie goes and than the famer hears a knock on the door. "I am very sorry sir" he says "but there is a pig in the barn and i just can not sleep with a pig beasuse of my religion. Fine send the lawyer. soo the lawyer goes but the famer waits up because he predicts that he 2 will come back with an excues. Shure enough theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the pig and cow are on the door step  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:

thnx pooja ji   :lol:  :lol:  :lol: