bhool betha hay (by vb)

by vb on January 01, 2014, 06:05:40 PM
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«Reply #15 on: January 02, 2014, 03:15:57 PM »
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Quote from: mkv on January 01, 2014, 11:34:21 PM
Laajavaab matla..
shaandaar ghazal

nawazish...
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«Reply #16 on: January 02, 2014, 03:16:45 PM »
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Quote from: Ram Saraswat on January 02, 2014, 01:04:24 AM
KahaaN wo koochaa-e-jaanaN, kahaaN ye masjid-o-mandir
KahaaN aa nikla hay, rasta divaana bhool betha hay
 Applause Applause Applause

shukriya...
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«Reply #17 on: January 02, 2014, 03:17:34 PM »
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Quote from: SURESH SANGWAN on January 02, 2014, 02:03:01 AM
KahaaN wo koochaa-e-jaanaN, kahaaN ye masjid-o-mandir
KahaaN aa nikla hay, rasta divaana bhool betha hay

 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause

inaayat..
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«Reply #18 on: January 02, 2014, 03:18:14 PM »
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Quote from: RAJAN KONDAL on January 02, 2014, 03:56:13 AM
wha wha bhut umda

thanx...
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«Reply #19 on: January 02, 2014, 03:19:04 PM »
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Quote from: Masoom Shahzada on January 02, 2014, 09:26:07 AM
Wow shaandaaaar... Mind fresh ho gayaaa subah-subah

nawaazish ...
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«Reply #20 on: January 02, 2014, 03:20:31 PM »
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Quote from: sksaini4 on January 02, 2014, 01:42:28 PM
waah waah bahut khoob

MohabbatoN ki chingaari jalaa deti hay sehraa ko



Banee Aamir ka wo qisa zamaana bhool betha hay

nawazish... Qais ka taaluk qabeela Banee Aamir say tha...
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«Reply #21 on: January 02, 2014, 04:42:12 PM »
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Vb Jee Aadaab...!

Kia kahne janab... Bade hi khoob khayaal nazar aate haiN aapke kalaam ke har sher meiN...
Sabhi sher behad khoob rahe ... Kafi umdaa kalaam rahi is khoob kalaam par humari dheroN daad O mubbarakbad kabul kijiye..

Likhate rahiye... bazm ko roshan karte rahiye...
Shaad O aabaad rahiye...

Khuda Hafez...
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«Reply #22 on: January 02, 2014, 11:56:56 PM »
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Quote from: ParwaaZ on January 02, 2014, 04:42:12 PM

Vb Jee Aadaab...!

Kia kahne janab... Bade hi khoob khayaal nazar aate haiN aapke kalaam ke har sher meiN...
Sabhi sher behad khoob rahe ... Kafi umdaa kalaam rahi is khoob kalaam par humari dheroN daad O mubbarakbad kabul kijiye..

Likhate rahiye... bazm ko roshan karte rahiye...
Shaad O aabaad rahiye...

Khuda Hafez...


sipaas-guzaar hen hum aap k...
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«Reply #23 on: January 05, 2014, 10:53:28 AM »
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bahut khoob
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livingbytheday
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«Reply #24 on: January 05, 2014, 12:03:40 PM »
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waah waah bahut khoob
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vb
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«Reply #25 on: January 06, 2014, 01:53:24 AM »
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Quote from: nandbahu on January 05, 2014, 10:53:28 AM
bahut khoob

Thanx
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«Reply #26 on: April 02, 2014, 06:43:12 PM »
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Mahutram VB Sahab Salam Alaikum

Apki ghazal parhi mustafeed hua , Apke miyaari kalamo se na jaane hum jaise kitne hi nauamoz mustafeed ho rahe hain aur inshallah mustaqbil me bhi hote rahenge .. Allah kare ye tasalsul kabhi na toote ..Sare dast aap is shandaar ghazal per meri beshumaar dad qubool Karen aur saat hi saat Mubarak baad bhi hazir hai ..taham do ek jagah meri nazar ruk gaaee jo bila shuba meri kam ilmi ke baais hi hai kya hi acha hoga ke aap rahenumaee farma den …


Apke ghazal ki bhr MUFAAEELUN X 4

Gayay waqtoN ka gum-gashta fasaana bhool betha hay
Koi shamaa mazaaroN par jalaana bhool betha hay
==================================================

shandaar matla wah wah ..magar maine waqton nahi parha ...kya koi asateza ke yahan sher maujood hai ? kya hi acha ho agar aap parha den..
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Wo jo afsaana-e-ghum sun kay hansta tha mohabbat par
Suna hay ab k wo hansna hansaanaa bhool betha hay

=========================================================
wah wah wah kya kahene mahutram zindabad..
--------------------------------------------------------
Hijar aamez ashkoN ka atak jaana sar-e-ma’yegaaN
Koi din hay kay wo kaajal lagaana bhool betha hay
=========================================================

Acha hai mahutram lughat dekhni parhegi jo yahan hai nahi ..dad qubool karen,------------------------------------------------------

Nahi saaqi teri tadbeer men taab-e-shakeebaai
Nishaat-e-khard ko sehbaa pilaana bhool betha hay

=======================================================
Apni zaat me maana mukkamal hai sher zindabad ..
-------------------------------------------------

MohabbatoN ki chingaari jalaa deti hay sehraa ko
Banee Aamir ka wo qisa zamaana bhool betha hay

====================================================
Wah Wah Pahela misra bada jaandaar hai ussi munasibat dusra misra bhi dhardaar taham ye lafz qisa hai qissa hai ya qis ...chunke maine kabhi parha nahi aur na to yahan lughat filhal maujood hai ...aap rahenumai kar den..----------------------------------------------------------------------


Usi ko aetraz-e-hasrat-e-deedar-e-jaanaaN hay
Jo koh-e-toor pe moosa ka jaana bhool betha hay

=========================================================

Ek aur tilism angez sher ...jahan hum jaison ki fikr dam tood deti hain aap wahin se sher nikal laate hain zindabad..

-----------------------------------------------------------

KahaaN wo koochaa-e-jaanaN, kahaaN ye masjid-o-mandir
KahaaN aa nikla hay, rasta divaana bhool betha hay

======================================================
Bahut khoob mahutram wah wah taham lafz deewaanaa hai asateza ke yahan ye 6 harfi hi hai ....kya hi acha hoke aap koi daleel pesh karen jahan asateza ne isko FAOOLUN ke wazn per baandha ho..

-----------------------------------------------------



Milay kuch na milay jeena yahin, marna yahin par hay
Savaali tera darvaaza bhulaanaa bhool betha hay

=================================================

Wah Wah bahut umdah sher mubarak ho ..-------------------------------------------

Faqat umeed-e-laa-haasil hay vehshi ghar ko lautay ga
Hua hay barsar-e-jungle, thikaana bhool betha hay

==============================================

Parad dar parad kholne wala sher wah wah

-----------------------------------------

Ghazal kay sheher men apnay zeher aalood geetoN ko
Saza denay jo aaya tha so jaanaa bhool betha hay

==============================================

Mahutram Misra-e-oola me lafz Zahr ko kis wazn per baandha hai .....isko   zakhm ,,shahr, hijr, ke wazn per hi baanda jaata hai iska wazn 21 hai naa ke 12 aap koi misaal pesh karen ...

----------------------------------------------

Jigar ko cheer deta tha jo lehjaa, haayay jaanaaN kay
Wo andaaz-e-sukhan vb puraanaa bhool betha hay

=============================================

Wah Wah zindabad zindabad mahutram ....kya ghazal kahi hai dil bagh bagh ho giya .....kahin koi ghalti sarsad hui ho to darguzar kar den aapke jawab ka muntazir ..

Qadeertoopchi

*---------------*
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«Reply #27 on: April 03, 2014, 12:32:06 AM »
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muhtaram o mukaram janab Qadeertoopchi Sahab! W.salam

baad atahiyat

Buhat shukria aap ka k hamari kavish ko saraahaa or hosla afzaai farmai... aap ne kuch ghalatiyon / kotiahiyon ki nishan-dahi farmai hay... aap ki baaten baja hen...

kuch baaten gosh-guzaar karna chahen gay... ake tu ye kalaam un waqton ka hay jub hum jo kehna chahtay thay usay avaliyat hasil hoti thi or arooz kay nuqta hayay daqeeq ko saanvi hesiyat detay thay... ab hamaray paas kehnay ko kuch nahi hay or sirf nuqta-hayay daqeeq he reh gayay hen... aur inhen say dil behlaatay hen... so aap kay savaalaat ka javaab mukamal taur par nahi diya jaa sakta, lekin ab aap ne is ghazal ko itna waqt dia hay tu, is ghazal kay yahan likhnay kay khatavaar honay kay naatay hum khud bhe is par ake tanqeedi nazar daltay hen... kuch nuqaat aisay hen jin ki taraf aap ka dhiyan nahi raha.. wo bhe bayan kartay chalen gay...

===============================================
===============================================

Gayay waqtoN ka gum-gashta fasaana bhool betha hay
Koi shamaa mazaaroN par jalaana bhool betha hay

shandaar matla wah wah ..magar maine waqton nahi parha ...kya koi asateza ke yahan sher maujood hai ? kya hi acha ho agar aap parha den..


aap ne "waqtoN" ki baat ki... Ghaalib ka sher haazir hay... maqta bhi likh rahaay hen taakay ghazal talaash karnay men aasaani rahay or hum koi ghalati kar rahay hon tu us ki tas'hee ki jaa sakay....

agly waqtoN kay hen ye log inhen kuch na kaho
jo may-o-naghma ko andoh-ruba kehtay hen
wehshat-o-sheefta, ab marsiya kahven shayad
Mar gaya Ghaalib-e-Aashifta-navaa, kehtay hen

is kay baad aap ne note nahi kiya k hamaray sher k doosray misray men "shamaa" ghalat bandha gaya hay... is ki sahi taqtee' sha-ma'a hay yaani 12 ...


===================================
Hijar aamez ashkoN ka atak jaana sar-e-ma’yegaaN
Koi din hay kay wo kaajal lagaana bhool betha hay


Acha hai mahutram lughat dekhni parhegi jo yahan hai nahi ..dad qubool karen


lafz "hijar" ghalat bandha gaya hay... ye baat aap jaantay bhe hen.. ghalati say reh gaya... hijr aamez ashk palkoN k siroN par aTak gayay thay.. wo din aur aaj ka din woh kajal lagana bhool betha hay... (lolz)

=================================

MohabbatoN ki chingaari jalaa deti hay sehraa ko
Banee Aamir ka wo qisa zamaana bhool betha hay

Wah Wah Pahela misra bada jaandaar hai ussi munasibat dusra misra bhi dhardaar taham ye lafz qisa hai qissa hai ya qis ...chunke maine kabhi parha nahi aur na to yahan lughat filhal maujood hai ...aap rahenumai kar den.


lafz "mohabbatoN" ghalat bandha gaya hay...yaani "mo hab bat to" yaani "ma-faa-ee-lun" aur ye ghalat hay.. is ki sahi taqtee "mu-fa-i-lun" yaani "mo hab ba to" hay... albata lafz "qisa" dono tarah he raij hay.. (ye hamara khayal hay is ki tasdeeq karni paray ge...). Qais mian ka taaluk ake qabeela "Banee Aamir" say tha...

==================================

KahaaN wo koochaa-e-jaanaN, kahaaN ye masjid-o-mandir
KahaaN aa nikla hay, rasta divaana bhool betha hay


Bahut khoob mahutram wah wah taham lafz deewaanaa hai asateza ke yahan ye 6 harfi hi hai ....kya hi acha hoke aap koi daleel pesh karen jahan asateza ne isko FAOOLUN ke wazn per baandha ho..



lafz "divaana" bhe musta'amil hay or is k liyay Meer ka sher haazir hay...

Kaaba hota hay divaanon ka meri gore say dasht
Mujh say do aur garen yaan to sub aabaad karen
Reekhta khoob he kehta hay jo insaaf karen
Chaahiyay ahl-e-sukhan Meer ko ustaad karen

albata doosra misra men comma kay baghair pata nahi chalta k divana kahin aa nikla hay ya rasta...


==============================
Milay kuch na milay jeena yahin, marna yahin par hay
Savaali tera darvaaza bhulaanaa bhool betha hay


Wah Wah bahut umdah sher mubarak ho .



is sher main lafz "na" 2 kay barabar bandha gaya hay aur ye sahi nahi hay... asaatiza kay kalaam say har jaga ye wazan 1 kay barabar milta hay...


==============================

Faqat umeed-e-laa-haasil hay vehshi ghar ko lautay ga
Hua hay barsar-e-jungle, thikaana bhool betha hay


Parad dar parad kholne wala sher wah wah


is sher men "barsar-e-jungle" ghalat tarteeb hay... lafz "jungle" hindustani lafz hay aur isay farsi kay sath nahi tarteeb dia ja sakta...

==============================

Ghazal kay sheher men apnay zeher aalood geetoN ko
Saza denay jo aaya tha so jaanaa bhool betha hay


Mahutram Misra-e-oola me lafz Zahr ko kis wazn per baandha hai .....isko   zakhm ,,shahr, hijr, ke wazn per hi baanda jaata hai iska wazn 21 hai naa ke 12 aap koi misaal pesh karen ...


aap ki baat bilkul baja hay... aap ne ooper ake sher main "hijr" par ghor nahi kiya tha..


============================

Jigar ko cheer deta tha jo lehjaa, haayay jaanaaN kay
Wo andaaz-e-sukhan vb puraanaa bhool betha hay


is sher ka pehla misra shadeed "taaqeed-e-lafzi" ka shikaar hay... aakhir ka "kay", "jigar" say kitna door ja para hay... aap dekhe he saktay hen...


===============================================
===============================================

Mohtaram Qadeertoopchi sahab! ... ye mehnat hum ne is liyay ki k aap ne itna waqt hamari is fazool ghazal ko dia aur aap ki mehnat raaigaan jayay, ye hum say ho na saka... is tarah ki mehnat karna mushkil kaam hay.. aap jaantay he hen... hamara puraana kalaam is tarah ki ghalatiyon say bhara para hay.. aur isay hum babaang-e-duhul qabool kartay hen.. so umeed hay ab aap hamaray puraanay kalaam par nigaah na daalen gay...

aakhir men aik baar phir shukriya k hamari kaavish par tabsira farma kar hamen bhe kuch seekhnay ka moqa diya...


waSsalaam...
dua-go
ba-qalam-e-khud
ahqar-vb jee
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«Reply #28 on: April 03, 2014, 01:14:01 AM »
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Mahutram Shukriyah Meri ilm me bhi izafa ho giya ....Lafz hijr pe maine ghaur kiya issi liye maine kah diya tha ke lughat maujod nahi hai kyun ke aapne hijar likha tha ........Aur baaqi apne jo khuch likha hai wo daqeeq baaten hain jo yaqeenan bazm ke liye soodhmand hain ..lafz na ka jahan tak masaala hai tu mahutram ye aaj kal sub log 1 aur 2 dono tarhan istemaal kar rahe hain magar mere nazdeek wo pahele bhi ghalat tha aur ab bhi .......aur rahi baad hindi ke saat farsi ki izafat ki to wo bada daqeeq masaala hai jisko maine kahena munasib nahi samjha ab aapne khud likh diya to mai apke huzoor sarapa sipaas hun ...maqte ka misra e oola mujhe shadeed taaqeed-e-lafzi ka shikaar nahi lagta taham sahebe kalam se bahtar uske kalam ke liye koi naqqad nahi hota ...aap jo munasib samjhe'n ....albatta lafz mahubbato'n meri nazar se rah giya ...Apka khat parh ke khushi huee Allah apko qadam qadam kamiyab o kamran rakhe ....do ek misaalen lafz deewaana bar wazn faoolun mil bhi jayen magar issi parhez karna hi bahetar hota hai jahan tak mujhe ilm hai ...

dua go

Qadeertoopchi
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«Reply #29 on: April 03, 2014, 01:28:09 AM »
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