Aap Ki Shayri suggestion and correction (Islah)

Javed bhai

Bahut bahut shukriya aap ka jo aap hum sab ke beech mein aaye.

Talat, Shikha and many more budding poets will learn a lot from your valuabale advice.

Aap ka Yoindia par swaagat hai !

Javed ji...

Please keep going the good work...  We really need ur help...

Also.... I have deleted few off-topic chat from here...

Talat

R u ok with my explanation or need more to define.?

Hi Talat,

As far as shayaris/Ghazals are concern, I am not much of a writer
but this is my take on this topic.

It is just people's preference. Whether you want to follow the rules of
a technically correct Ghazal or you do not want to follow the rules/requirement.

Most of the people know the meaning of the below urdu words
'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'
They are words but in other words they are rules/requirement.

You can definitely write the Ghazal without rhyming words ( Kaafiyaa )
or same ending words ( Radif ) but that means that you are not
following the rules/requirement.  That is all.

I do not follow all the rules but I follow the at least 3 rules.
(1) The length of the lines (Beher) must be same ( atleast close enough )
(2) There must be rhyming words (kafia) and same ending words (radif)
(3) Every sher (2 liners) is independent but collectively all 5 - 15
     2 lines must on a specific topic or same theme.

The advantage of writing "azad Ghazal" or "gair-muraddaf Ghazal" (no radif)
is you have more words that you can use freely to express yourself or to make your point.

In the case of people who follow the rules (I'm one of them) have to work
harder to express themselves because they have the limitation of using
the words as they have to follow many rules.

For example If you fight with somebody, it is easy to fight with 2 hands
free rather than one hand behind your back.

Well you know this thing more than I do.

My Ghazal/shayari writing skill is as good as Anjani's Hindi :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Javed ji,
Bohot achcha topic hai.
Thanks

Thanks so much Bharat for coming here and giving your views on poetry...You dont need to say how you write...though we see you now less often, you are definitely one of the best poets of Yoindia .....!!

Thanks Javed for your expert comments....!!

I am glad, such discussion is taking place. What i felt so far being on this poetry site is that people just write (though they write impressive ones) but still many of them dont know basics of poetry.

I am not experienced, neither in my age, nor in Urdu poetry, but whatever way people may write, they should know the basic rules....so that they should be aware what they are writing, is it pure ghazal, or a nazm or just a tukbandi.  Following the rules or not is a completely different question.

For my poetry..I think its not a typical ghazal because its not having radeef i.e. rhyming of 3-4 words of each sher, but I do try to put qafia at the end of each sher...so most of poems have the same word in the end of each sher. Also, I try to stick on the topic in a single poem. So far i never wrote a tukbandi or a completely azaad nazam, as i discussed that with Javed, but soon i ll try to write something on that.

I read Ghalib's Ghazals, and also ghazals of some famous poets, and as far as i remember, as Javed said, those  were not on a single topic e:g if you read this famous ghazal of Ghalib you ll see that its covering diferent things in the same ghazal:

hazaaroN KHwahishaiN 'eisee ke har KHwahish pe dam nikle
bohot  nikle  mere  armaaN  lekin  fir  bhee  kam  nikle

Dare   kyooN  mera  qaatil  kya   rahega  uskee gardan   par
wo KHooN, jo chashm-e-tar se 'umr bhar yooN dam_ba_dam nikle

nikalna KHuld se aadam ka sunte aayaiN haiN lekin
bohot  be_aabru hokar tere  kooche  se  ham nikle

bharam  khul  jaaye zaalim  tere  qaamat ki daraazee ka
agar  is turra-e-pur_pech-o-KHam  ka  pech-o-KHam nikle

magar likhwaaye  koee usko KHat, to hamse likhawaaye
huee subah aur ghar  se kaan par rakhkar qalam nikle

huee is  daur meiN mansoob  mujhse baada_aashaamee
fir aaya wo zamaana, jo jahaaN se jaam-e-jam nikle

huee jinse  tavaqqo KHastagee  kee daad paane kee
wo hamse bhee ziyaada KHasta-e-teGH-e-sitam nikle

mohabbat meiN naheeN  hai farq jeene aur  marne kaa
usee ko dekh kar jeete haiN jis kaafir pe dam nikle

zara kar  jor  seene  par  ki  teer-e-pursitam  nikle
jo wo  nikle to dil  nikle, jo dil nikle to dam nikle

KHuda  ke  waaste  parda  na  kaabe  se  uThaa zaalim
kaheeN 'eisa na ho yaaN bhee wohee kaafir sanam nikle

kahaaN maiKHaane ka darwaaza 'GHalib' aur kahaaN waaiz
par itana  jaante haiN  kal wo jaata tha ke ham  nikle


In the end, there is nothing wrong in writing in a way someone writes, what i feel is one should know what one is writing and what are the rules. Also, it will be nice if more people come here and discuss their views.

Ya, its more clear now....!
 
Well, english poetry has its own beauty but i guess each poetry has its different rules......so the "wazan" in the shers comes more easily in mother language.

That will be really nice to see a whole article here...I am sure that will be very helpful.

Yes, definitely.