Tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota [Example Thread]

[Pooja]

Tumhara haal e dil aankhon se bhi padh lete hum,
ek bar palake utha kar jo hume dekha hota!!

jahar  sara teri zindagi ka pi jaty hansty hansty
Nigah utha kar, jo ek bar "han" kaha hota!!!

Tujh bin un banjar na banati zindagi meri
kam se kam tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota!!!!

[Ricky]

It reminds me of my junior classes when I had to give explanation of poems by famous poets . That was for course and had to do even if I don't want to d o it but here at Yoindia.com we all do it daily , the only difference is that today we have specifically a forum to do it and I m actually going to post for Pooja's poem instead of just keeping it in my mind.

The First Impression:
It appears that poetess is trying to show lots of affection for his dear one but the only thing she find bad is that he  failed to understand her feelings. She is now showing her level of affection while comparing them with various stuff.

The Poem:

Tumhara haal e dil aankhon se bhi padh lete hum,
ek bar palake utha kar jo hume dekha hota!!

Here poetess say : " If her dear one had ever once considered her as his love then she would have given lots of importance to that love" or
if my love wld ever had been reciprocated.....i wld have really loved yaa more/or i wld have given  more  of love to yaa"

zehar sara teri zindagi ka pi jaty hansty hansty
Nigah utha kar, jo ek bar "han" kaha hota!!!

Here poetress   is saying that if her dear one ever accepted her love then she would have taken out difficulties and problem from his life to her life.

Tujh bin yun banjar na banati zindagi meri
kam se kam tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota!!!!

Well.. I don't get this one .. I got that.. ke this life would never been so lonely if would have seen u with full of JOY.

Critcs:
None so far.. just find last stanza little unclear... rather out of theme.

[Pooja]

Tujh bin yun banjar na banati zindagi meri
kam se kam tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota!!!!

Well.. I don't get this one .. I got that.. ke this life would never been so lonely if would have seen you with full of JOY.[/quote]

Here is meaning of last one:

Tumhare bina rah kar bhi mai khushi se zindagi beeta leti, agar tum apni zindagi khushi se bitaty. Mujse alag rah kar bhi agar tum dukhi ho, to isse acha to hum sath sath yah taklif uthaty aor kam se kam ek doosre ke sath rahne ki khushi mahsoos karty..........

[Ricky]

Tujh bin yun banjar na banati zindagi meri
kam se kam tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota!!!!

Well.. I don't get this one .. I got that.. ke this life would never been so lonely if would have seen you with full of JOY.

Here is meaning of last one:

Tumhare bina rah kar bhi mai khushi se zindagi beeta leti, agar tum apni zindagi khushi se bitaty. Mujse alag rah kar bhi agar tum dukhi ho, to isse acha to hum sath sath yah taklif uthaty aor kam se kam ek doosre ke sath rahne ki khushi mahsoos karty..........

Well, I think I got it right at that time also. Anyways .. do you have any comments about my review ?

[Pooja]

apne kafi gahraai se meri poem ko jaana hai...thanks!!! kuch aor bhi post ki hai....agar time mille to wahan bhi likhiyega!!!

[Tosha]

well .. i might nt follow the exact rule rt here rt now ... as the poem has already been explained in the best form ....

my general comments are that ...

The poetess is still in love with the same person and though she dosent have her dream man in her life she still wishes the best for her.

[madhuwesh]

Wah Pooja ji,kahene ke liye lafz hi nahi hai,bahut khoobsurti se aapne likha bhi aur samjhaya bhi,Ricky ji ne bhi bahut dil se aapke rachna par gaur kiya.
bahut dard hai pooja ji aapke sher mein.excellent.

[brokenbyluv]

pooja ji apke dil mein kitna dard chhupa hai ye apki shayari se saaf zahir hota hai..hum tou apki shayari k kadardan ho gaye......

[Dr Maqsood Hasni]

wah wah,
bohat khoob.

[~Hriday~]

REVIEW:
Bahut khoob likha hai aapne Pooja ji...

Isme bahut hi khoobsurti se aapne apne dil ka haal kaha hai. Bas ise samajhne waala chahiye. Aur Ricky ji ne bahut aasaan shabdo me ise samjha bhi diya hai....

Last k do lines sabse achche lage mujhe...

"Tujh bin yun banjar na banti zindagi meri,
Kamse kam tumko jo baharon me dekha hota"

Poori kavita ka matlab is tarah se bhi liya ja sakta hai...
"Tum se hi main hoon. Tumhaare ghamon ko main samajhti hoon. Aur mujhse tumhaara dard dekha nahi jaata . Kaash ek baar tumne apne dil ki baat mujhse kahi hoti to main tumpe sab kuch apna nyochhawar kar deti. Bas ek baar tumne mujhse kaha hota tumhaare saare dard mai khud pi leti. Har wo koshish karti jisse tumhe khushi mile. Main to tumhe hi sab kuch maanti hoon. Tumse hi judi hai meri zindagi ki har subah har shaam. Aaj meri zindagi me koi rang nahi hai. Sukhi banjar bhoomi ki tarah hai. Isme koi bhi khushi ka kaaran nahi hai. Agar tumne mujhe sweekar kiya hota ya mere pyaar ko samjha hota to main tumhe itni khushiyaan deti , itna pyaar deti ki tumko dekh k hi meri zindagi me bahaar aa jata. Khushiyaan hi khushiyaan hoti meri zindagi me. Tumse hi to meri har khushi hai. Agar tum khush hote to apne aap meri bhi zindagi me khushiyon k mele lag jaate..."

Ye bas mera ek khayal hai... baaki kisi k dil ki baat koi aur kaise jaan sakta hai. Likhne waala hi bata sakta hai ki usne kya soch k likha hai. Maine to bas apni samajh k anusaar varnan kar diya. Kuch galat lage to maafi chahunga.

CRITICS :
Itni achchi rachna me criics ki jagah nahi hoti. Bas mujhe laga ek chhoti si kami hai. Baaki manna na manna aap par hai. Mujhe kaunsa kavita likhna aata hai sau galtiyaan mil jayengi meri kavita me. Last k do lines me aapne ek jagah  "Tujh bin" aur dusri jagah "Tumko" likha hai. Mujhe laga kuch mel nahi kha rahi. "Tujh Bin" k saath "Tujhko"... aur "Tum bin" k saath "Tumko" shayad aur behtar lagta. Main apni soch me galat bhi ho sakta hoon. Maafi chahunga agar aapko bura laga ho to.

Bahut achcha likhte hain aap... likhte rahiye taaki hume bhi aapke lekh padhne ka mauka mil sake...

Tumhara haal e dil aankhon se bhi padh lete hum,
ek bar palake utha kar jo hume dekha hota!!

jahar  sara teri zindagi ka pi jaty hansty hansty
Nigah utha kar, jo ek bar "han" kaha hota!!!

Tujh bin un banjar na banati zindagi meri
kam se kam tumko jo baharo mai dekha hota!!!!

[Saba_Saba is back]

Pooja ji bohat hi khubsurat kavita hai

mai klaskar ji k review se sehmat hu ...

aur critics me jo unhone kaha woh b sahi likha hai us par thodi roshni daalna chahungi...

Kavita me aap agar kisi ko AAP kehte hai to sari kavita me usey AAP hi kehna hota hai... TUM ya TU jaise words use nahi kar sakte... jaise AAP kaha hai to AAPKO kehna hota hai ... TUM kaha to TUMKO (sometimes is se shair banne me dikkat b hoti hai) but yeh rule hai kya kiya ja sakta hai...

But u write superb as always ... and i m a fan of yours



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[akela]

keep up the good work guys ,,,,,,,bahut accha auur bahut hi hi khoob