hey friends this is my firstever effort in english poetry.plz i need ur comments and advice strongly and suggestions too.especially on the rhyme and punctuations.

Candle light flickers,
paleness surrounds.
melancholey clutters of
ceramic and silver,
fills the void,
but silence is still,
gaining ground.
Feets are nimble,
hands are week.
music in the air
is like lead in the ears
when she don't speaks.
should i serve the desert sir
the boy asked.
bring the bill i said
trying to make a sound
candle light flickers.