Doobne wala tha lekin ubhar gaya hoon main

by Syed Mohd Mahzar on April 17, 2013, 06:40:33 PM
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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Lage hain kitne hi pahrey, magar gaya hoon main
teri gali me to shaam o sahar gaya hoon main

apni aaghosh me dariya bhi mujhe le na saka
laash ki shakl me mar ke ubhar gaya hoon main

ameer kunbe ki bigri hui aulaad hoon main
thokrein waqt ki kha kar sudhar gaya hoon main

mujhko kahne na lage ab yeh zamana majnoo
junoon e ishq me wo kaam ker gaya hoon main

usne sahil se di awaaz pukaara mujhko
doobne wala tha lekin ubhar gaya hoon main

qadam qadam pe chubhan ban ke dil me uthti hai
tumhari yaad ko lekar jidhar gaya hoon main

koi aahat bhi jo mahsoos hui hai mujhko
raah chalte hue aksar thahar gaya hoon main

            ............S.M.Mahzar
[/color]
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jyuthika
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«Reply #1 on: April 17, 2013, 06:53:21 PM »
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good
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ghayal_shayar
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«Reply #2 on: April 17, 2013, 07:01:09 PM »
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mahzar saaheb aadaab,

bahut ahchi kosish rahi aapki, khaas taur pe kadam-kadam wala sher mujhe haasil-e-ghazal laga... Par ameer kunbe wale sher pe fir se gaur kijiyega, mere khayaal se wahaaN qaafiye ki kuch gadbad ho gayi hai... Yunhi mashq zaari rakheN aur likhte rahen...

Allah Haafiz
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«Reply #3 on: April 17, 2013, 07:46:32 PM »
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Bahut Khoob Likha Hai. Jawab Nahin. Dheron Daad. icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley
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Farhan Sohail
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«Reply #4 on: April 17, 2013, 08:57:44 PM »
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 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley


buht khoob MAHZAR g, keep it up nice
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suman59
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«Reply #5 on: April 17, 2013, 09:27:51 PM »
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Quote from: Syed Mohd Mahzar on April 17, 2013, 06:40:33 PM
Lage hain kitne hi pahrey, magar gaya hoon main
teri gali me to shaam o sahar gaya hoon main

apni aaghosh me dariya bhi mujhe le na saka
laash ki shakl me mar ke ubhar gaya hoon main

ameer kunbe ki bigri hui aulaad hoon main
thokrein waqt ki kha kar sambhal gaya hoon main

mujhko kahne na lage ab yeh zamana majnoo
junoon e ishq me wo kaam ker gaya hoon main

usne sahil se di awaaz pukaara mujhko
doobne wala tha lekin ubhar gaya hoon main

qadam qadam pe chubhan ban ke dil me uthti hai
tumhari yaad ko lekar jidhar gaya hoon main

koi aahat bhi jo mahsoos hui hai mujhko
raah chalte hue aksar thahar gaya hoon main

            ............S.M.Mahzar
[/color]
Wah Mahzar sb bahut bahut khoob likha hai aapne. aakhiri ka 4 lines lajawab  Thumbs UP
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mkv
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«Reply #6 on: April 17, 2013, 11:51:06 PM »
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qadam qadam pe chubhan ban ke dil me uthti hai
tumhari yaad ko lekar jidhar gaya hoon main
koi aahat bhi jo mahsoos hui hai mujhko
raah chalte hue aksar thahar gaya hoon main
in ashaaroN pe khususi daad...
wah wah ..
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #7 on: April 18, 2013, 01:06:25 AM »
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Quote from: jyuthika on April 17, 2013, 06:53:21 PM
good
jyuthika ji,
      bahut bahut shukriya.........................
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #8 on: April 18, 2013, 01:11:25 AM »
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Quote from: Taish on April 17, 2013, 07:01:09 PM
mahzar saaheb aadaab,

bahut ahchi kosish rahi aapki, khaas taur pe kadam-kadam wala sher mujhe haasil-e-ghazal laga... Par ameer kunbe wale sher pe fir se gaur kijiyega, mere khayaal se wahaaN qaafiye ki kuch gadbad ho gayi hai... Yunhi mashq zaari rakheN aur likhte rahen...

Allah Haafiz
Taish saheb, mamnoon hoon aapka ki aapko ghzal theek lagi, mashkoor bhi hoon ki aapne ghalti ki taraf ishara kiya, darasl lafz "Sudhar" tha jo ghalti ce sambhaltype ho gaya, mustaqbil me bhi aap se isi khuloos ki tawaqqo rahegi................
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #9 on: April 18, 2013, 01:13:26 AM »
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Quote from: dksaxenabsnl on April 17, 2013, 07:46:32 PM
Bahut Khoob Likha Hai. Jawab Nahin. Dheron Daad. icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley icon_flower Clapping Smiley
dksaxenabsnl,
                   many many thanks...................
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #10 on: April 18, 2013, 01:14:42 AM »
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Quote from: Farhan Sohail on April 17, 2013, 08:57:44 PM
Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley


buht khoob MAHZAR g, keep it up nice
Farhan Suhail Saheb,
   bahut bahut shukriya................
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #11 on: April 18, 2013, 01:16:30 AM »
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Quote from: suman59 on April 17, 2013, 09:27:51 PM
Wah Mahzar sb bahut bahut khoob likha hai aapne. aakhiri ka 4 lines lajawab  Thumbs UP
Suman59 ji,
           aapka bahut bahut shukriya.................
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #12 on: April 18, 2013, 01:17:48 AM »
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Quote from: mkv on April 17, 2013, 11:51:06 PM
qadam qadam pe chubhan ban ke dil me uthti hai
tumhari yaad ko lekar jidhar gaya hoon main
koi aahat bhi jo mahsoos hui hai mujhko
raah chalte hue aksar thahar gaya hoon main
in ashaaroN pe khususi daad...
wah wah ..



  mkv,
 many many thanks.......................
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aqsh
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«Reply #13 on: April 18, 2013, 01:47:01 PM »
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 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
Bahut khoob likha hai aapne.bahut pasand aayi aapki yeh kalaam. dheron daad
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Syed Mohd Mahzar
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«Reply #14 on: April 18, 2013, 02:01:52 PM »
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Quote from: aqsh on April 18, 2013, 01:47:01 PM
Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
Bahut khoob likha hai aapne.bahut pasand aayi aapki yeh kalaam. dheron daad
Aqsh Saheb,
         bahut bahut shukriya......................
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