vehshat-o-veeraana kahaaN (by vb)

by vb on December 20, 2013, 05:14:35 PM
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Ho gayay nazr-e-junooN vehshat-o-veeraana kahaaN
Jhoomta aa gaya hay daer men deevaana kahaaN

KahaaN tazleel-e-majaazi ka ya maaraa hua shakhs
Teray darbaar ka aashufta-o-bay-gaanaa kahaaN

Neend si neend hay aati hay tu aanay do magar
Teri aaghoshe kahaaN, gosha-e-may-khaana kahaaN

Teray deedaar ki Moosa ko zaroorat thi tu kun?
Wohi jalvaa, so meri aankh ne dekha na kahaaN?

Wo ghazal kehtay thay tu aankh say behta tha lahoo
Meray alfaaz men taaseer-e-buzurgaana kahaaN

Bhool kar raah kabhi vb jee rusvaa na huay
Poochh letay hen kisi say k hay may-khaana kahaaN



*-------------------------*



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Bishwajeet Anand Bsu
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«Reply #1 on: December 20, 2013, 06:02:32 PM »
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WAAH WAAH WAAH...
bahut bahut khoob Sir, dheron daad qubool kareiN..
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Mohammad Touhid
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«Reply #2 on: December 20, 2013, 06:40:49 PM »
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 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley

waaaaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
bahut bahut aur bahut khooooooooooob.. Usual Smile

 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley  Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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RAJAN KONDAL
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«Reply #3 on: December 20, 2013, 06:48:01 PM »
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whawha bhut khub
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sksaini4
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«Reply #4 on: December 20, 2013, 07:18:04 PM »
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waah waah bahut khoob
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jeet jainam
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«Reply #5 on: December 20, 2013, 08:44:58 PM »
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 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
wah wah wah wah
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vb
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«Reply #6 on: December 20, 2013, 10:22:58 PM »
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buhat shukriya....... aap sub ka...
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Iftakhar Ahmad
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«Reply #7 on: December 21, 2013, 06:19:20 AM »
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waah waah bahut khoob janaab as usual. Mere khayaal se kuch spelling mistakes haiN abhi to time nahiN hai baad meN zaroor bataauNga.
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mazHur
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«Reply #8 on: December 21, 2013, 12:19:18 PM »
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behr samajh mein nahi aayee...barah e karam behr se mutallah
farma kar rehnumai farmain.Shukriya.
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vb
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«Reply #9 on: December 21, 2013, 07:49:08 PM »
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waah waah bahut khoob janaab as usual. Mere khayaal se kuch spelling mistakes haiN abhi to time nahiN hai baad meN zaroor bataauNga.

Zara nawazi ka buhat shukriya.... Jee... Hamari nazar men nahi aai hon ge mistakes.. Zaroor bataiyay ga...
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vb
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«Reply #10 on: December 21, 2013, 08:28:30 PM »
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behr samajh mein nahi aayee...barah e karam behr se mutallah
farma kar rehnumai farmain.Shukriya.


Hamaray likhay ki beher to pata nahi kya hay... Wesay moqa ki munasibat say sher yaad ata hay janab Zaheen sahab ka..

Nigah-e-naz say poochhen gay kisi din ye Zaheen
Too ne kya kya na banaaya, koi kya kya na bana

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mazHur
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«Reply #11 on: December 21, 2013, 10:31:22 PM »
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Hamaray likhay ki beher to pata nahi kya hay... Wesay moqa ki munasibat say sher yaad ata hay janab Zaheen sahab ka..

Nigah-e-naz say poochhen gay kisi din ye Zaheen
Too ne kya kya na banaaya, koi kya kya na bana



thank you. Sorry I still could not follow the behr.

I recall a few shairs by maestro's  and think you tried to write your poem in their behr..or, as it is called, Zameen.

GULOAN MEIN RANG BHARAY BAAD E NOBAHAR CHALAY
CHALAY BHI AAO KE GULSHAN KA KAROBAR CHALAY
(Faiz Ahmad Faiz)

KABHI KABHI MERE DIL MEIN KHAYAL AATA HE
.....(Sahir ludhyanvi)

Lyrics:
Mere naseeb mein us bewafa ka piyar nahi
.....
Naseeb dar pe teray aazmanay aaya hoon
....


Daba ke qabr mein sab chal diye dua na salam
zara see dair mein kia ho gaya zamanay ko

.......

Mundraja zail ashaar kee roshni mein aapki behr kuch out nazar aati he ,,,,,aapka jazba o takhayyul achha he laikin behr mein
garbar honay se latafat or halawat e ashaar mein kami see mehsoos hoti he. Ummeed he k aap tawajjuh farmayein ge..aur behtar se behtar manzoom band bandhnay kee sayee karein ge.

khair andaish!







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vb
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«Reply #12 on: December 21, 2013, 10:52:17 PM »
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thank you. Sorry I still could not follow the behr.

I recall a few shairs by maestro's  and think you tried to write your poem in their behr..or, as it is called, Zameen.

GULOAN MEIN RANG BHARAY BAAD E NOBAHAR CHALAY
CHALAY BHI AAO KE GULSHAN KA KAROBAR CHALAY
(Faiz Ahmad Faiz)

KABHI KABHI MERE DIL MEIN KHAYAL AATA HE
.....(Sahir ludhyanvi)

Lyrics:
Mere naseeb mein us bewafa ka piyar nahi
.....
Naseeb dar pe teray aazmanay aaya hoon
....


Daba ke qabr mein sab chal diye dua na salam
zara see dair mein kia ho gaya zamanay ko

.......

Mundraja zail ashaar kee roshni mein aapki behr kuch out nazar aati he ,,,,,aapka jazba o takhayyul achha he laikin behr mein
garbar honay se latafat or halawat e ashaar mein kami see mehsoos hoti he. Ummeed he k aap tawajjuh farmayein ge..aur behtar se behtar manzoom band bandhnay kee sayee karein ge.

khair andaish!










G.... Inshallah....
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mazHur
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«Reply #13 on: December 23, 2013, 09:57:20 AM »
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vb, I think yours poem is closer to this zameen
or behr ....check it up!

LAB PE AATI HE ZUBA'N BAN KE TAMANNA MERI
ZINDAGI SHAMA KEE SOORAT HO KHUDAYA MERI
(Allama Iqbal)

REGARDS


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vb
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«Reply #14 on: December 23, 2013, 06:09:57 PM »
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hmm....
g.. hamen bhe kuchh aisa he lag raha hay...


thanx...
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