Taare Zameen Par : A Movie Un-Review !!

by Talat on January 14, 2008, 05:10:09 PM
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Celmira
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If you want to know how good Taare is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. The cacophony that surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be missing. Some would be walking in slow motion. Some would look petrified. At least that's what happened in the theater I went to. Not a single soul was talking after the movie, probably because what everyone saw on screen was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal at the end of a film left the theater in pin drop silence. The first thing we said to each other - 'Aamir Bhai has done it again.'

Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a gut feeling that Taare would change people like no other movie has previously done.

I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?

 

If Karan Johar made Taare

Obvious starcast:

o    Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).

o    Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).

o    Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).

o    Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.

o    Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).

·  It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.

·  The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.

·  It would have one dance number.

·  The film would be titled 'Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'




If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare


Obvious starcast:

o    Salman as the teacher.

o    Rani as the mother.

·  Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.

·  An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.

·  Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.

·  The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.

·  The film would cost 60 crores.



If Farah Khan made Taare


Obvious starcast:

o    SRK as the teacher (yawn).

·         In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.

·         The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.

·         To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.

·         The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.



If Rakesh Roshan made Taare


Obvious starcast:

o    Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.

·         Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction..

·         Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.

·         In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.

·         Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.

·         The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.

·         The film's name would again start with a K.. probably 'Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par'.

·         The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.



If Priyadarshan made Taare:

Obvious starcast:

o    Akshay Kumar as the teacher.

o    Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.

·  It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.

·  The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.

·  In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.

·  And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.





I know there are a lot of other directors, but I choose these guys because I feel they are the most gutless or overrated directors we have today. They keep doing the same shit again and again and more often than not depend on the stars to carry a shitty film forward. They have no courage to try something non-nonsense, something that can use the medium of cinema for a little more than just entertainment, in spite of being the most sought after directors in the country



The reason I am making this comparison at all is to show how Aamir (and Amol Gupte) has made a pure film, without giving into the temptation of masala or 'what would the audience like to see' philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca Chopra (I love Tisca); for riding against the tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy (even Aamir Khan's name comes after Darsheel Sarfi, the boy, in the credits); for giving the audience something different once again as an entertainer; and for truly caring about the society and using the medium to bring a change.


I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: 'films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices.' Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.

Behold bollywood bigshots, Aamir the director has arrived. With just one film, he has set the bar higher than most of you can only dream of reaching.



NOT MINE
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Celmira
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«Reply #1 on: February 14, 2008, 06:32:23 PM »
WoW ! one month of posting...and not a single reply....Surely people here have different taste !!!
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«Reply #2 on: February 14, 2008, 09:14:37 PM »
I agree with,hs handled the subject matter very well,done some research and presented something that i can say is clearly witouth comparison.
Definitely not like the usual Bollywood fare,which pay's no attention to detail,makes you want to believe that New Zealand is America or South Africa is Brazil,and hails Sharuk Khan to be the the best actor they have ever produced,lets face it his one sided,simply witout versatality,and has no depth.
Well Done Aamir although i did find a hollywood similarity,which at the end turned out to be more flattery to Jodie Foster and her
directorial debut
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«Reply #3 on: February 14, 2008, 09:22:35 PM »
By the way talat,dont know everybody,the directors especially,but your synopsis was brilliant,no AWESOME,its about time i read some good,"grab the bull by the horns",guttsy,witty,apt,to the point,and did i mention AWESOME writing like this on YO
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«Reply #4 on: February 14, 2008, 10:09:12 PM »
Thanks a tonn Ziyaad...I am a bit embarassed now...beacuse as I wrote in the end "Not Mine", I got this on internet, and I just wanted to share this brilliant piece of review with our Yoindian friends Usual Smile

Thanks again for reading this, and then replying to this otherwise neglected thread Usual Smile
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«Reply #5 on: February 15, 2008, 11:25:47 AM »
I know all too well how it feels
when a thread is neglected.
Maybe I was laughing too hard to notice th NM at the
end.
I could be wrong but YoIndians tend to shy away from
english work,esp stuff that are with this type of
sarcastic,humouristic style.
Maybe you know why?
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Celmira
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«Reply #6 on: February 15, 2008, 04:12:51 PM »
At least you enjoyed the review...and so did I Usual Smile

Ziyaad, I dont really whether people tend to be at a distance when some english work comes (no offence !) but I can say yes they tend to shy away whenever there is something to ponder upon !! May be they just want to have a nice time and relax !!
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«Reply #7 on: February 17, 2008, 05:21:12 PM »
k my dear talat ,
  well the analysis and study made abt how the movie wud have been had other directors made it shud b taken as a joke only coz the reality wud have been certainly different im sure sanjay,srk ,farah wud have also done a gud job not 2 4get karan also.
now regarding the movie ,i saw it and welll its definitely a good piece of work the guy darsheel has done an impressive job however i feel aamir wasnt so gud (there seems to b nothing new in him).so ill give it 4/5
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«Reply #8 on: February 18, 2008, 08:37:59 PM »
thanx Talat... acha laga ye padh ker

hmm.. mujhe lagta hai gur thik kah rahe hai .. mujhe bhi amir me kuch naya nahi dikha .. darshil ne bahut acha kam kiya hai .. movie  achi thi .. amir as a director bhi acha laga .. aur jo msg wali baat hai wo do din me log bhool jate hai is me kuch khas nahi hai ...

agger mujhe puche to main is movie ko 5 me se 3.5 duga

aur rahi bat SRK, Farah, sanjay, Rakesh aur Karan ki to ager unke hath ye project lagta to wo bhi apni trah ise ache se karte

sanjay to allready Black me ker chuke hai.. Blck ke baad hum ne unki tareef ki thi ab nayi movie hai to hum use bhool gaye jab koi aur nayi aayegi to hum tare.. bhi bhool jayege

 
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Celmira
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«Reply #9 on: February 26, 2008, 02:40:25 AM »
Taare Zameen Par has bagged 5 awards at 53rd Indian Film Fare Awards.

Filmfare Best Film

Aamir Khan (Filmfare Best Director)

Darsheel Safary (Filmfare Critics Award For Best Actor)

Prasoon Joshi (Filmfare Best Lyrics - Maa)

Amol Gupte (Filmfare Best Story)


Congratulations Amir and the Taare Zameen Par whole team...you definitely deserve this !
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«Reply #10 on: February 26, 2008, 08:09:36 PM »
ye award to milne hi the

darsheel ko humne pasand kiya hai... amir as a director acha hai hum kah chuke hai

prasoon joshi ke to sare songs ache hote hai .. aur maa wala song zaberdast hai
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«Reply #11 on: March 02, 2008, 05:08:08 AM »
Thanks Sam
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