Let's Teach and Learn the Techniques of Shayari !

by deepika_divya on January 25, 2010, 02:03:40 PM
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cara
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«Reply #30 on: February 01, 2010, 12:30:05 PM »
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Quote from: riyaz106 on February 01, 2010, 12:25:52 PM
Hi everybody. Seekhne sikhane ka ye bahot achha silsila shuru kiya aap sab ne. Agar ijazat ho to main bhi kuchh seekhne ko shamil ho jaaun.

YAHAN TOH RIYAZ KA BHI RIWAZ HAI AANE KA....
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riyaz106
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«Reply #31 on: February 01, 2010, 12:48:30 PM »
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Main ek baat kehna chahta hun ke poetry mein tukbandi ki importance bahot hai, isse iski sundarta badh jaati hai, lekin sirf tukbandi shayari nahin. Tukbandi ke chakkar mein kabhi kabhi asli baat kehna mushkil ho jaata hai. Kabhi kabhi tuk to mil raha hota hai lekin jo kehna chahte hai wo keh nahi paate. Kabhi kabhi matlab ulta ho jaata hai. Tuk milaane ke liye ye zaruri hai ke us word(tuk) ko puri tarah nibhaya jaye aur kisi poem ya ghazal ke sher ke theme ko saamne rakha jaye.

Agar tuk fit baithta hai lekin matlab sahi nahi nikal raha to baat ko dusre dhang se kehna chahiye jisse dono kaam ho jayen.

Main nahi kehta meri baat bilkul sahi ho. Pata nahi main kitna sahi hun. Ab aap batayen aap sab ka kya khayal hai.
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #32 on: February 01, 2010, 12:55:22 PM »
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Quote from: riyaz106 on February 01, 2010, 12:48:30 PM
Main ek baat kehna chahta hun ke poetry mein tukbandi ki importance bahot hai, isse iski sundarta badh jaati hai, lekin sirf tukbandi shayari nahin. Tukbandi ke chakkar mein kabhi kabhi asli baat kehna mushkil ho jaata hai. Kabhi kabhi tuk to mil raha hota hai lekin jo kehna chahte hai wo keh nahi paate. Kabhi kabhi matlab ulta ho jaata hai. Tuk milaane ke liye ye zaruri hai ke us word(tuk) ko puri tarah nibhaya jaye aur kisi poem ya ghazal ke sher ke theme ko saamne rakha jaye.

Agar tuk fit baithta hai lekin matlab sahi nahi nikal raha to baat ko dusre dhang se kehna chahiye jisse dono kaam ho jayen.

Main nahi kehta meri baat bilkul sahi ho. Pata nahi main kitna sahi hun. Ab aap batayen aap sab ka kya khayal hai.
Main apse agree hu riyaz ji,lafzo ka taal mel aur usko sahi dhang se likhne ka salika bahut zaruuri hai aur aksar naye shayar/shayara tuk milane k chakkar mein galti kar baithte hai aur isse na hi sher ka matlab ban pata hai aur naa hi uski sundarta reh jati hai..isliye zaruri hai ki shayari ko pehle likh kar phir use ache padh kar smjh kar phir post kare jisse ki likhne aur padhne wale dono ko hi khushi ho..merri yahi raaye hai baaki membrs aap kya sochte hai plzz share kare...
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deepika_divya
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«Reply #33 on: February 01, 2010, 01:00:25 PM »
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Tukhbandi :- Nice Topic Riyaz ji ! Well Main Kuch Kehna Chaungi...

TukhBandi .. Ki jahan tak Mujhe samaj hai Woh hai Ki Yea ak sawaal jawaab ka silsila hai ... Jaise koi ruti hui shayari likhe tho koi usko manane wali...

Aur jaise Kisne ne Kisi ki bewafai ki baat ki ho tho usko dilasa dena ...Aur agar Kisi Serious Poetry par Ho aap uski Kalaam pe apni feelings jahir kar sakte hai.

Waise Tukhbandi ak aisi techniques hai jahan par aap jaldi shayari likha seek sakte ho...

Maine dekha hai Kuch log Puri ki Puri Poetry Orignal wali likh dete hai with a minimum change... aisa karna Reply dena ya tukhbandi nahi hoti .. Aap ko kabi bhi shayar ka shayara ko reply karte waqt yea dyan mea rakhe ki Unki puri shayari copy na kare...

What say ?
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #34 on: February 01, 2010, 01:16:17 PM »
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Quote from: Sophi on February 01, 2010, 01:00:25 PM
Tukhbandi :- Nice Topic Riyaz ji ! Well Main Kuch Kehna Chaungi...

TukhBandi .. Ki jahan tak Mujhe samaj hai Woh hai Ki Yea ak sawaal jawaab ka silsila hai ... Jaise koi ruti hui shayari likhe tho koi usko manane wali...

Aur jaise Kisne ne Kisi ki bewafai ki baat ki ho tho usko dilasa dena ...Aur agar Kisi Serious Poetry par Ho aap uski Kalaam pe apni feelings jahir kar sakte hai.

Waise Tukhbandi ak aisi techniques hai jahan par aap jaldi shayari likha seek sakte ho...

Maine dekha hai Kuch log Puri ki Puri Poetry Orignal wali likh dete hai with a minimum change... aisa karna Reply dena ya tukhbandi nahi hoti .. Aap ko kabi bhi shayar ka shayara ko reply karte waqt yea dyan mea rakhe ki Unki puri shayari copy na kare...

What say ?



Sophi ji merre tuk milane se matlab tha ki words ki rhyming bahut zaruri hai shayri mein per tuk milane k chahkkar mein aksar galtiya ho jati hai likhne walo se...bus yahi main kehna chahti thi...
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deepika_divya
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«Reply #35 on: February 01, 2010, 01:21:30 PM »
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Quote from: brokenbyluv on February 01, 2010, 01:16:17 PM
Sophi ji merre tuk milane se matlab tha ki words ki rhyming bahut zaruri hai shayri mein per tuk milane k chahkkar mein aksar galtiya ho jati hai likhne walo se...bus yahi main kehna chahti thi...

Are maine tumko point nahi kiya yaar.. Main bas Apna view de rahi thi... Usual Smile
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cara
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«Reply #36 on: February 01, 2010, 01:24:47 PM »
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JO AAP KAHENA CHAHETE HO MATLAB LOG SAMAJH PAAYE
SAATH MAIN WORDS KI RHYMING HOJAAYE,MAST SHER BAN JAAYE....
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #37 on: February 01, 2010, 03:25:54 PM »
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Quote from: Sophi on February 01, 2010, 01:21:30 PM
Are maine tumko point nahi kiya yaar.. Main bas Apna view de rahi thi... Usual Smile

ok ji...n true cara ji..
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #38 on: February 02, 2010, 07:33:23 AM »
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I am so glad..I have been waiting for such a thread... Applause Applause Applause
This forum can polish our skill of writting....Thanks to all of you.

I am also giving a second try on my own lines.....

"""Zamaane ne kab roka hai,aur kaun ab rukta hai
Beeta kal bhula dena bhi kya itnaa aasaan hai...

Waade pe uske pura etbaar nahi hai tujhe shayad
Kya Yahi jheejhak hai,jazbaat-e-ikraar naa karne ki"""


Jamaane ke rokne se bhi kab koi rukta hai
Par beeta kal bhi koi kaise bhula sakta hai

Waade pe uske nahi hai tujhe shayad pura eytbaar
Kya yahi hai jhijhak,tere n karne ki jajbaat-e-ikraar


Kai baar hum jald-baaji mai likh jaate hain tab shilp ko bhul jaate hain kewal matlab-message ka khayaal rehta hai...
Aur hindi ko hinglish mai likhne aur padhne mai bhi kai baar arth badal jaate hain.
Ye tou ek inbuilt problem hai devnagri lipi padhne ko nahi aane ka.
 Awaiting Your comments Divya-di and Geet-di




Quote from: brokenbyluv on January 28, 2010, 01:22:03 PM
Origanlly posted by koyal..
I want every1 to write their views on this shayri...ki kis trh ise behtar banaya jaa sakta hai..this will help all of us to teach more...
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riyaz106
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«Reply #39 on: February 02, 2010, 07:49:07 AM »
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Koyal ji, aapki pehli do lines ko maine meter mein likhne ki koshish ki hai.   Wo lines is tarah bhi keh sakte hain. Shayad aapko and other members ko sahi lage:

ZAMAANA ROKTA TO HAI MAGAR KAB KOI RUKTA HAI
KOI BHI APNE GUZRE KAL KO KAISE BHOOL SAKTA HAI

Aa
Quote from: KOYAL46 on February 02, 2010, 07:33:23 AM
I am so glad..I have been waiting for such a thread... Applause Applause Applause
This forum can polish our skill of writting....Thanks to all of you.

I am also giving a second try on my own lines.....

Jamaane kay rokne se bhee kab koi rukta hai
Par beeta kal bhi koi kaise bhula sakta hai

Waade pe uske nahi hai tujhe shayad pura eytbaar
Kya yahi hai jhijhak,naa karne ki jajbate-ikraar


Kai baar hum jald-baaji mai likh jaate hain tab shilp ko bhul jaate hain kewal matlab-message ka khayaal rehta hai
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #40 on: February 02, 2010, 08:30:44 AM »
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Bahoot sahi likha hai Riyaz bhai.... Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause

"meter mein likhna " kaise hota hai...eska taatpray kya hai.?


Quote from: riyaz106 on February 02, 2010, 07:49:07 AM
Koyal ji, aapki pehli do lines ko maine meter mein likhne ki koshish ki hai.   Wo lines is tarah bhi keh sakte hain. Shayad aapko and other members ko sahi lage:

ZAMAANA ROKTA TO HAI MAGAR KAB KOI RUKTA HAI
KOI BHI APNE GUZRE KAL KO KAISE BHOOL SAKTA HAI

Aa
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deepika_divya
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«Reply #41 on: February 02, 2010, 08:41:11 AM »
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Variation in Single sher ! its really interesting and also very helping to learn the ways and techniques of sher.

Thanks for all and please do always give ur help to this section so that we all learn new things day by day...

Well i wana say.. Koyal second attemp was good as well the Riyaz attempt also very good.
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deepika_divya
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«Reply #42 on: February 02, 2010, 08:43:29 AM »
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Below I am posting My creation

Hum Chup Hain Unka Ye Ishaar Thehra
Nazron Kaho Ye Unka Iqraar Thehra

You.n To Kuch Bhi Nahi Kehte Hain
Unse Piyaar Magar Beshumar Thehra

Uske Hi Dam se Hai  Saji Mehfil
Uske Hi Dil Pe Ikhteyaar Thehra

Socha Karde Izhaar e Mohabbat Unse
Par Dil Mera Tera Raazdaar Thehra

Mile Dost Khoo e Yaar Mea Bahoot
Par Ankhon Me Tera Intzaar Thehra

Ehsaas e Mohabbat Na hoga khatam
“Divya” Ko Tera Hi Khumaar Thehra

I have Reply of Cara ji in My Post that is follows

Quote
HAM CHUP HAIN ISHAARON SE
UNKA IQRAAR THA

KAHA HAM NE KUCH BHI NAHI
MAGAR HAMKO BHI UNSE PYAAR THA

UNKE HI DAM SE SAJE HAI APNE SAPNE
UNKE HI DIL PAR MERA HAQUE THA
                               

SOCHA KAR DIUN IZHAARE-MOHABBAT
PAR DILKO UNKE PYAAR PAR YAKIN THA

YUN TOU MILE HAI BAHUT DOST
PAR AANKHON PAR UNKA HI CHEHERA THA

UNKE YE EHSAAS HAM KABHI NAHI BHUL PAYENGE
"DIVYA" KO SIRF UNSE HI PYAAR THA

Please dont mind Cara ji.. But you have almost copied my creation in your reply...

What others think about this ?
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KOYAL46
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«Reply #43 on: February 02, 2010, 09:41:22 AM »
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Divya-di I think Cara is doing same in each and every thread.He makes perodi....i;e he re-writes a poem negatively aur in           diffrent mode/mood....and he is prompt and fast at it....look at your RAP...I dont know how objectionable is this ? As long as he is not publishing it any where as his original composition.
I am not very clear on this....it requires a debate from all.

Hope every body comments on this....




Quote from: Sophi on February 02, 2010, 08:43:29 AM
Below I am posting My creation

Hum Chup Hain Unka Ye Ishaar Thehra
Nazron Kaho Ye Unka Iqraar Thehra

You.n To Kuch Bhi Nahi Kehte Hain
Unse Piyaar Magar Beshumar Thehra

Uske Hi Dam se Hai  Saji Mehfil
Uske Hi Dil Pe Ikhteyaar Thehra

Socha Karde Izhaar e Mohabbat Unse
Par Dil Mera Tera Raazdaar Thehra

Mile Dost Khoo e Yaar Mea Bahoot
Par Ankhon Me Tera Intzaar Thehra

Ehsaas e Mohabbat Na hoga khatam
“Divya” Ko Tera Hi Khumaar Thehra

I have Reply of Cara ji in My Post that is follows

Please dont mind Cara ji.. But you have almost copied my creation in your reply...

What others think about this ?
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riyaz106
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«Reply #44 on: February 02, 2010, 11:14:30 AM »
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It is appreciable that Cara ji gives the reply of poems of members in the form of poem but he uses some or much words of that poem in the same order with some changes and consisting same theme. The reply of a poem in the form of poem is very nice and appreciable but it will be better if he use his own words to compose a poetry while replying of a post. Otherwise some member may confuse that he is being suggested for  corrections/modification in his original poem.

This is my opinion only.
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