An amature sharay so need some feedback

by Jat420 on September 21, 2006, 06:57:44 AM

Yoindia ShayariAdab > Shayri ( Poetry ) or Shayari > Shayri-E-Dard > Topic: An amature sharay so need some feedback

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Jat420

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mile teh tum zaindagi ke ek hasine modh par
betai the kuch lamhe aise jo jaanat seh bhi khubsoorat lage
tumhar jaane ke gham mein un yaadoko bhulane ke koshi kare
leken bhula na sakha woh kambakt lamhe, meri har saas meh woh samha bahthai.


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Talat

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An amature sharay so need some feedback

«Reply #1 on: September 21, 2006, 09:17:16 AM »

Good effort !! Welcome to Yoindia...try to keep writing....!!

Zindagi ke safar main unse mulaqaat hui ek pal,
Rafta rafta zindagi meri ban gaya wohi ek pal,
Khabar nahin ki ye judaaiyaan kabhi mit paayengi,
Maine to ibaadat ki tarah mohabbat ki hai har pal !!


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waheed_rose2004

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An amature sharay so need some feedback

«Reply #2 on: September 21, 2006, 09:24:39 AM »

good starting Jat420 and too godo writtebn Talat moti tongue3


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ranjana

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An amature sharay so need some feedback

«Reply #3 on: September 21, 2006, 09:32:27 AM »

bahut khoob welcome ....Talat too good..

kuch pal zindagi ki sogaat ban jaate hain
bhule se bhi woh lamhe fir hum kahan bhul paate hain
hui thee kabhi baat jo unse khawabo mein bhi
woh kisse bhi pyaar ki dastaan ban jaate hain
ek pal main mili thee bas unse nazare
per dard umar bhar ke is masoom dil ko mil jaate hain !!