Kismat...

by Sibbi on April 04, 2010, 07:27:26 AM
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Sibbi
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Humne Wafa Kuch Is Tarah Nibhayi Hai,
Zakhm Se Baha Lahu Fir Bhi Muskuraya Hai,
Dua Hai Jise Tu Chahe Usse Duri Na Ho,
Meri Tarah Tumhari Kismat Adhuri Na Ho..
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madhuwesh
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«Reply #1 on: April 04, 2010, 09:31:10 AM »
Wah Sibbi ji,bahut khoob.lovely creation. icon_thumleft Applause Applause Applause
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riyaz106
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«Reply #2 on: April 04, 2010, 02:53:06 PM »
Bahut achhi koshish ki hai Sibbi ji. Jazbaat aur ahsaas ko bakhoobi bayan kiya hai. Pehli do lines ka matlab to samajh aata hai lekin isme grammatical mistake hai. Ummeed hai is baat ka aap bura nahi manoge.

Pahli line mein Humne first person hai lekin dusri line mein Muskuraya Hai third person ke liye likha gaya lagta hai. Pahli line mein Nibhayi lafz hai jabke dusri line mein muskuraya lafz hai, is wajah se kafiya nahi milta.  Isko yun likha jaaye to shayad aapko theek lage-

Humne Wafa ko Kuch Is Tarah Se Nibhaya Hai,
Zakhm Se Baha Lahu Fir Bhi Dil Muskuraya Hai,

Agar aapko mera suggestion sahi na laga ho to is reply ko please nazar-andaaz kar dein. Thanks.

Humne Wafa Kuch Is Tarah Nibhayi Hai,
Zakhm Se Baha Lahu Fir Bhi Muskuraya Hai,
Dua Hai Jise Tu Chahe Usse Duri Na Ho,
Meri Tarah Tumhari Kismat Adhuri Na Ho..

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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #3 on: April 05, 2010, 04:23:22 AM »
Good effort Sibbi Ji

I'm in agreement with Riyaz Ji
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Sibbi
Guest
«Reply #4 on: April 09, 2010, 07:20:11 AM »
Thanks Riyaj ji. hum jarur khayal rakhenge..
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