sabkuchh pakarbhi...jyuthika...

by jyuthika on March 04, 2015, 01:32:21 PM
Pages: [1]
Print
Author  (Read 520 times)
jyuthika
Guest
4-3-15

Sabkuchh pakarbhi na jane kya chhut raha he,
Pakar manzilkobhi dil na jane kya dhundh raha he?
Sanse to chal rahi he par dilka tar-tar tut raha he,
Khalissi dilme uth rahi he,
dam jaise ghut raha he..

jyuthika..
[/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/b]
Logged
sksaini4
Ustaad ae Shayari
*****

Rau: 853
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Waqt Bitaya:
112 days, 8 hours and 51 minutes.
Posts: 36414
Member Since: Apr 2011


View Profile
«Reply #1 on: March 04, 2015, 02:16:33 PM »
 Applause Applause
Logged
jeet jainam
Khaas Shayar
**

Rau: 237
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Waqt Bitaya:
60 days, 12 hours and 13 minutes.

my rule no type no life and ,i m happy single

Posts: 10150
Member Since: Dec 2012


View Profile WWW
«Reply #2 on: March 04, 2015, 05:24:55 PM »
Bohat khubbb
Logged
Prabha prakas
Khususi Shayar
*****

Rau: 24
Offline Offline

Waqt Bitaya:
3 days, 3 hours and 40 minutes.
Posts: 961
Member Since: Feb 2015


View Profile
«Reply #3 on: March 04, 2015, 05:55:52 PM »
 Applause Applause
Logged
surindarn
Ustaad ae Shayari
*****

Rau: 273
Offline Offline

Waqt Bitaya:
134 days, 2 hours and 27 minutes.
Posts: 31520
Member Since: Mar 2012


View Profile
«Reply #4 on: March 04, 2015, 08:45:06 PM »
 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
Jyuthika Jee aapne bahut achhaa likhaa hai,dheron daad. Ek suggestion bhi hai, ek to aap lafaz aapas mein jorhaa naa karo, aise parhne mein mushkil hotee hai. dooree baat yeh hai ke aapne har line mein rahaa hai yaa rahi hai kaa istmaal kiyaa hai, yeh theek to hai magar zaraa flat lagtaa hai sun.ne mein. Agar aakhree line mein ko aap aise likh den 'Naa jaanye dam kyun ghut raha hai, to yeh zaraa spicy saa lagne lage gaa.
Logged
Rajigujral
Khususi Shayar
*****

Rau: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Waqt Bitaya:
4 days, 59 minutes.
Posts: 1703
Member Since: Apr 2014


View Profile
«Reply #5 on: March 05, 2015, 10:18:12 AM »
 Applause Applause Applause
Logged
jyuthika
Guest
«Reply #6 on: March 05, 2015, 11:28:28 AM »
Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
Jyuthika Jee aapne bahut achhaa likhaa hai,dheron daad. Ek suggestion bhi hai, ek to aap lafaz aapas mein jorhaa naa karo, aise parhne mein mushkil hotee hai. dooree baat yeh hai ke aapne har line mein rahaa hai yaa rahi hai kaa istmaal kiyaa hai, yeh theek to hai magar zaraa flat lagtaa hai sun.ne mein. Agar aakhree line mein ko aap aise likh den 'Naa jaanye dam kyun ghut raha hai, to yeh zaraa spicy saa lagne lage gaa.



thanks sir for suggestion,
i dont understand 1st suggestion 2nd is accept.. thanks again..
Logged
Pages: [1]
Print
Jump to:  


Get Yoindia Updates in Email.

Enter your email address:

Ask any question to expert on eTI community..
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
April 19, 2024, 12:27:56 PM

Login with username, password and session length
Recent Replies
[April 04, 2024, 04:49:28 PM]

[April 02, 2024, 12:27:12 PM]

by ASIF
[March 24, 2024, 04:34:54 AM]

by ASIF
[March 24, 2024, 04:30:44 AM]

by ASIF
[March 24, 2024, 04:26:39 AM]

by ASIF
[March 23, 2024, 08:50:46 AM]

[March 21, 2024, 07:59:38 PM]

[March 17, 2024, 02:01:29 PM]

[March 16, 2024, 03:26:05 PM]

[March 16, 2024, 03:25:04 PM]
Yoindia Shayariadab Copyright © MGCyber Group All Rights Reserved
Terms of Use| Privacy Policy Powered by PHP MySQL SMF© Simple Machines LLC
Page created in 0.095 seconds with 25 queries.
[x] Join now community of 8498 Real Poets and poetry admirer