Teri Tasveer

[Pooja]

Yah kavita mere man main nahi tha ki mai yaha post karu, magar jahan yah kavita pahle post ki hai waha per Bekarar ji ke comments dekh kar laga ki is kavita ko waise nahi samjha gaya jis tarah ka maine soch kar likhi thi... is liye yaha post kar ke app sab ke vichar jan.ne ka man mai aa gaya:

Teri tasveer ajj anssuo se sajai hai
Mui yah rajaai bhi koi rajaai hai

Thund ne itani cheekh pukar muchaai hai
Heater ko deta nahi kuch bhi sujhaai hai

Teri amma ne ajj phir ki mujhse ladaai hai
 Sun rahe ho, ya kaano main rui phir dabai hai

Bittu ne ajj phir se chinttu ki, ki pitaai hai
Baap ki tarah bacho ne bhi zindagi meri khai hai

Per tumhaare bin, yaad tumhari bahoot aai hai
Teri tasveer ajj phir anssuo se sajaai hai


For all other Comments Please click here: http://www.yoindia.com/shayariadab/miscellaneous-shayri/teri-tasveer-t45604.0.html

[HumTum]

Pooja Ji ... pehle to aap ko iss khubsurat shayri ke liye mubarakbaad... ab baari aati hai veiws ki ... to meri samjh mein jo aaya ... woh likh rha hoon ..... agar galat ho to bta dijiyega..


Here a woman wants to explain the daily life's issues to her husband. She wants to tell what is wrong.   

one can argue that it is a funny poetry but that is only in the way you want to read it... when i read it, i found a comman woman telling the daily life stories to her husband. usualy we call it women's compliant. 

[Pooja]

Pooja Ji ... pehle to aap ko iss khubsurat shayri ke liye mubarakbaad... ab baari aati hai veiws ki ... to meri samjh mein jo aaya ... woh likh rha hoon ..... agar galat ho to bta dijiyega..


Here a woman wants to explain the daily life's issues to her husband. She wants to tell what is wrong.  

one can argue that it is a funny poetry but that is only in the way you want to read it... when i read it, i found a comman woman telling the daily life stories to her husband. usualy we call it women's compliant. 

apne kam shabdo main sahi bataya hai... magar apse kuch aor details ki umeend thi... Magar app kaafi had tak sahi raste per hai..

[Pooja]

Kaash ji app bahoot achi details di hai.. magar abhi hai kuch kavita ke shabdo main jo app aor HumTum ji miss kar gaye hai...

Kuh din aor intzaar karugi ki koi us chipi bhawna aor dard ko in shabdo main dekh kar explain kar sake,....

nahi to main khud apni likhi kavita ke, ek ek shabd ko explain karugi!!

Thanks apne kavita parri aor itne ache se samjhi!!

[brokenbyluv]

Pooja ji agar main galat nhi hu tou ye kahani ek aisi aurat ki hai jiska pati shayad is duniya mein nhi hai aur vo sard rato mein uski tasveer apne ankho k saamne rakh apna dard chhupa k usse shikayat kar rhi hai taaki khud ko dilasa de sake..ki uske na hone se kuch nhi badla per pehle jaisa bhi sab nhi hai...

ummed karti hu main kuch hadh tak sahi hu...baaki aap bata dijiyega......

[JEET*]

Yah kavita mere man main nahi tha ki mai yaha post karu, magar jahan yah kavita pahle post ki hai waha per Bekarar ji ke comments dekh kar laga ki is kavita ko waise nahi samjha gaya jis tarah ka maine soch kar likhi thi... is liye yaha post kar ke app sab ke vichar jan.ne ka man mai aa gaya:

Teri tasveer ajj anssuo se sajai hai
Mui yah rajaai bhi koi rajaai hai

Thund ne itani cheekh pukar muchaai hai
Heater ko deta nahi kuch bhi sujhaai hai

Teri amma ne ajj phir ki mujhse ladaai hai
 Sun rahe ho, ya kaano main rui phir dabai hai

Bittu ne ajj phir se chinttu ki, ki pitaai hai
Baap ki tarah bacho ne bhi zindagi meri khai hai

Per tumhaare bin, yaad tumhari bahoot aai hai
Teri tasveer ajj phir anssuo se sajaai hai


For all other Comments Please click here: http://www.yoindia.com/shayariadab/miscellaneous-shayri/teri-tasveer-t45604.0.html

waise pooja ji aapki shayari ka matlab aapse behtaar kaun ja sakega...bas ek choti si koshish meri taraf se:


iss poem mein shayara/patni/lover/pooja aapne pati/husband/lover se yeh keh rahi hain ki dekho main tumhare bina jee toh rahi hu... lekin tumhare bina bhi jeena bhi kya koi jeena hai.
main roj din bhar ke kam karti hu.. baache sambhalti hu... tumhare mata-pita ki sewa karti hu...sab ko khush rakhne ki koshish karne mein lagi hu..lekin pal pal zindagi ke imithan akele mujhse larde nahi ja rahe.. mujhe tumhari bohaat yaad aati hai. tumhari tasveer se lipat kar main bohaat roti hu, tumhari tasveer ke agge tumhari hi shikayat main kar rahi hu.

[Dr Maqsood Hasni]

bohat khoob

[~Hriday~]

Bahut khoob likha hai aapne Pooja ji....!!!

Main BBL ji se sehmat hoon. Meri soch bhi yahi kehti hai ki patni apne swargwaasi pati k liye apne dil k dard bhaaw vyakt kar rahi hai. Pati unhe apne bachcho aur apne maa k saath akela chhod k chale gaye hain. Bechaari aurat akele sabka bojh utha rahi hai. Usse aur sahan nahi ho raha hai itna bojh akele uthana. Maa bhi aksar kosti rehti hai baat baat par. Bachche bhi khoob pareshaan karte hain. Wo kehti hai, "ek to tumhaare (Pati k) jaane ka ghum hai dusra in sabki jyadtiyaan. Aasuon k siwa aur kuch nahi reh gaya hai mere jeewan me. Bahut tez thand me jo haalat hoti hai kisi garib ki , jaise wo har pal mar mar k jeeta hai, meri haalat thik waisi hi hai. Har pal mar mar k ji rahi hoon main. Tadap rahi hoon main. Har pal tumhaari yaad aati hai aur mann karta hai main bhi tumhaare paas wahin ajaun. Aur nahi ji sakti main tumhaari tasveer k saath."

Mujhe jo samajh aaya maine likh diya. Pata nahin kahan tak main samajh paaya hoon. Apne samajh k anusaar likha hai maine. Kuch bura lage to maaf kar dijiyega Pooja ji.

[madhuwesh]

Bahut khoob Pooja ji,aapne ek aurat ke taqleef ko samjhi aur bahut khoobsurti se likha,bahut dard bhari kavita pesh kya aapne.Kaash ji,Hum tum ji,Geet ji,Kapil ji,Jeet ji,aap sabhi ne sahi likha.

[Saba_Saba is back]

Teri tasveer ajj anssuo se sajai hai
Mui yah rajaai bhi koi rajaai hai

Thund ne itani cheekh pukar muchaai hai
Heater ko deta nahi kuch bhi sujhaai hai

Teri amma ne ajj phir ki mujhse ladaai hai
 Sun rahe ho, ya kaano main rui phir dabai hai

Bittu ne ajj phir se chinttu ki, ki pitaai hai
Baap ki tarah bacho ne bhi zindagi meri khai hai

Per tumhaare bin, yaad tumhari bahoot aai hai
Teri tasveer ajj phir anssuo se sajaai hai

Nice poem Pooja Ji...

yeh judayi me likhi kavita hai jaise koi khat(patra)... mai yeh maan kar chalti hu k pati patni se duur hai ... may be job k liye (abroad) ... aur patni apne din bhar ki baatein us se share karti hai ... par yeh baatein pati se nahi keh paati ...

raat k waqt jab sara kaam khatm kar k woh bistar par aati hai to usey apne pati ki yaad toot kar aati hai aur usey us pal kuchh nahi bhata ... rajayi khali khali aur kisi kaam ki nahi lagti...

Us ka dhayan apne aas paas ki cheezo par jata hai aur kehti hai  k sardi bohat zyada hai aur us k saamne heater bhi fail hai ... kash is pal woh yaha hote...

fir woh ghar ki taraf aati hai aur shikayat karti hai ke hamesha ki trah saas ne ladayi ki hai aur bachcho ne maara mari ... sath isey bhi apne pati ki roz marra ki aadto se jodti jati hai ...

saari baatein keh dene k baad woh phir kehti hai ke jo bhi ho tumhare bina kuchh achha nahi lagta aur tum bohat yaad aate ho ...

hope mai theek samajh paayi hu

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°ღ•ŚÁßÁ●•٠•˙

[skn1944]

Very....Very....good Poetry. Keep it up.
Surinder Narang
skn1944

[skn1944]

Very Nice Pooja Ji. Pl. keep it up.