My 1st attempt to write a prose..!

My very first attempt to write a prose. I fund it difficult to continue and felt out of words to express myself. I had thoughts but lacked words. Wrote it all in a single attempt and have not edited it at all.

Here I look for your sincere comments. More than anything I need you all to let me know what I lack and what can be done to improve prose writing. Any grammatical errors, etc, f eel free to point out all my mistakes.

I’d highly appreciate your point of view.

What thoughts of the author (here ME) can u figure out from this piece of writting?

What according to you should be the topic of this writting

does is appear to be the begining or the end to you?

........................very nice.................

Hey ... Thanx Dolly ... i value your comments n point of View...it means a lot to me. U'll know the reason soon. Thanx a lot a lot ... a lot...!!!
...
Thanx Amrita too..!!
...
i'd really appriciate some critical comments.!!!

hey that was awesome for a first timer

as for views , here they are

I would agree to the point that the author is optimistic. But is the victim of circumstances. She is definetely sad but brave. And optimistic as she is, she waits for a miracle which will again change her life. But that seems a distant reality.

Topic I would say would be "Beginning of the End"
'Coz the feelings which we get after reading this is like everything is finished. The message it conveys is - "I seriously hope that everything should be good again, but its too late now"


And, as for the post-mortem of the prose. I found a couple of contradictory statements - "She appeared to be coming from a dance. Drenched and tired, as if she danced all night long and now was longing for moments of peaceful sleep. Sleep forever. " --  which says it should be around twilight now.
But the last para "The sun was drowning behind its horizons" says that its dusk.


Well overall, the description was superb and very very comprehensive, a job well done. Way to go. Just try to keep it up.

hey toshu sis...maine aaj hi dekha yeh and i must say its a MASTERPIECE!! liked it a lot!!!!!!

my views:

is story ki ladki ke bare me mere man me yeh khayal ata hai ke yeh ladki definitly optimistic hai, bit proudy also, har na manne wali, kuch fighting nature ki, har halat ko -har challenge ko face karne wali hai. woh apni kamzooriyan dikhati nahin hai aur humesha wohi karti hai jo ke usko thik lagta hai! maybe feeling lonely also but def wudn tell anyone abt her feelings!!

in my opinion its the beginning of the end also...jis hisab se ladki ka nature hai, us hisab se uske liye har din ek new beginning hai, ek naya challenge...aab chahe woh zindagi ho ya maut!


once again toshu...bohot hi acha likha hai!!

 :D

Yeh Kya thha................      ...............  Just Joking...It was something Really Nice................
now answers to ur questions one by one................
Sabse pehli baat Iss story ka character kaafi jyaada determined hai........ Ufff ye to sochtaa bhi bahut jyaada hai....... Sabhi ne isey optimistic kaha...Sorry lekin mujhey ismein optimistic jaisa kuchh bhi nahi laga....... .Moreover it seems to be more of an End than a beginning...... Itna pyaara character aur itna dukhi....... Sabhi kuchh ulta pulta bola na mainey .....Sorry yaar lekin mujhe jaisa laga mainey waisa kaha..........
Eik baat aur tumney situation ko kaafi achha describe kiya hai.........Dekho ab mujhe prose writing ke baare mein to kuchh pata nahi hai....lekin comments diye bina bhi nahi raha jaata kya karu   .... Aur jahan tak topic ki baat hai....I am sure jisney itna achha story likha hai usey mere suggested topics fijool lagengey..........lolzzzzzzzz :D  :D

woh...!!! wow..!!!
...
Natural you did match to my idea to al lot and i'd say were nearing what i felt while joting it down...abhi tak no one did really get my idea to this extent. But all comments i got till now did make me feel that
' the girl is optimistic'
though i didnt think bout her character a lot while writting it.

and

HumTum

Amazing...!!! you just could feel waht i was feeling while i was joting it down...!!! while going through previous comments was disheartining to some extent as i wasn't getting someone to say what was going through my mind. Ppl did understabd the scene and the concept but noone really did hit the thought in the girls mind...!!!
I was begining to feel that shayad likha hi sahi nahi hai .. !!!

Thanx a lot .... Both of you .. @!!!!

The oceans were calm. Winds were silent. Not even a little bird tweeting in the near by tree. Excitement of the beach seemed to have been carried away by the tidal wave, appearing to be moments after a disaster. Suddenly some one walked by, dragging her self along the beach. She appeared to be coming from a dance. Drenched and tired, as if she danced all night long and now was longing for moments of peaceful sleep. Sleep forever.

The red shiny gown hung beautifully on her body. Heave hair over her shoulders looking soft and graceful. Eyes all simmered and black. The eyeliner and mascara told the story of her tears that came down last night. Yet the deep chocolate brown lipper made her lips look full and fresh. There was a faint smile on her face with a glow that denied all that her eyes said. She walked bear foot. Held her heals in her hands as she walked. It was more of a drag like she was pulling a sack of clay all along. The dress curved out every inch of her. Revealing the secrets she would other wise hide. One would say she was a perfect lady, lady to the Prince Charming.

She took a turn and walked perpendicular, directioned towards the sea. Slowly, with eyes wide open and gazing. She was seeing through the unknown, her vision penetrating deep, deep into nowhere. She walked silently each step taken so carefully. Counting her every breath and smiling as she approached the sea.

Her eyes were getting dull and smile was broadening. Then serene water touched her feet. The water was cold as ice. The feel of water at her feet made her giggle deep down her throat, without a sound to wake the sleeping sand. She walked deeper into the waters. Destined and determined with a clear goal in her mind, a mind that had no doubts, no worries or thoughts. She was just so confident of every moment that would come along. Focused and shinning bright.

The waters touched her knees now. The joy filled her heart. The dullness of the eyes began to melt. As she walked deeper down her eyes started to glitter like a diamond. She definitely was the maiden from the paradise. There was a keen desire in her eyes now as the water filled her. Confident to grab her dreams in fractions of time she kept moving on Deeper into the sea.

The sun was drowning behind its horizons. So were the moments of the shine of her eyes. In a few minutes the sun dissolved into the skies leaving behind the colours of red and orange. The entire beach waited for the darkness to come over and conquer. The night made its victory, not realizing that it has to fight the light once again


There were some grammetical errors ... which i'v tried to correct. hope it makes a difference... i'm will come soon with the next chapter of this story.

Thanx everyone!!