Muddat Hui Mar Gaye Hum......!!!

by Talat on September 22, 2009, 04:04:33 PM
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Talat
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Pooja
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«Reply #1 on: September 22, 2009, 04:06:17 PM »
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 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley wah kaya baat hai, bahoot khoob Celmira... Good work!!
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Roja
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«Reply #2 on: September 22, 2009, 05:02:07 PM »
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 Applause Applause
Wonderful gazal talat sis
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shayara
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«Reply #3 on: September 22, 2009, 05:12:01 PM »
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Bohot khoob Celmira ji
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Talat
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«Reply #4 on: September 22, 2009, 06:26:38 PM »
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Quote from: Pooja on September 22, 2009, 04:06:17 PM
Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley wah kaya baat hai, bahoot khoob Celmira... Good work!!

Thank You Pooja
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Talat
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«Reply #5 on: September 22, 2009, 07:00:04 PM »
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Quote from: Roja on September 22, 2009, 05:02:07 PM
Applause Applause
Wonderful gazal talat sis

Thank You Roja
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madhuwesh
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«Reply #6 on: September 22, 2009, 09:25:56 PM »
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Really touching n beautiful gazal Celmira ji bahut khoob,mindblowing creation.excellent icon_thumleft Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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cara
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«Reply #7 on: September 23, 2009, 06:37:23 AM »
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Quote from: Celmira on September 22, 2009, 04:04:33 PM

KYA BAAT HAI....CELMIRA JI.....

MUDDAT HUI MANN SE MAR GAYE HUM..
AB KAHAN HAI UNSE MILNA-MILAANA.

HAAN KHAYALON MEIN AB TAK RAHETE HAI HAMARE,
KUN KI MUSHKIL HAI UNKO BHOOLPANA.

ROOTH GAYE HAIN HAMSE KYA MAALUM KON KASOORWAAR HAIN,
PAHELE BHI CHAH THA UNKO,AAJ BHI WO MERA PYAAR HAIN.

YUN TOH MUDDAT HUI MAR GAYE HUM..
KYA KAREN SAANSEN BAKI HAI TAB TAK HAI NIBHANA.
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salil2002
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«Reply #8 on: September 23, 2009, 06:50:36 AM »
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Quote from: Celmira on September 22, 2009, 04:04:33 PM


bahut achche di....

kucch der jo thehra main oonki mazaar par
ek gujre huye kal ka fasana yaad aa gaya
ponch li aankhen aur muskura kar chal diye
toote huye dil ka taraana yaad aa gaya
dekar jo gaya malham k badle zakhm dosto
woh gujra kissa,woh yaar puraana yaad aa gaya
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mazHur
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«Reply #9 on: September 23, 2009, 07:03:03 AM »
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Quote from: Celmira on September 22, 2009, 04:04:33 PM



You have good imagination. However, your poem would have greatly enhanced in beauty if you had kept the poetic meter in view. Let me scan your first line...

Nahi he/ hamara/  koi bhi/ thikana

khaloan/ me he bus/ hamien chal/te jaana

The 3rd and other lines are accordingly out of meter or rhythm---you can check it out yourself.

this is just a friendly advice to friends on this forum about   techniques of poetic writing....

for a better understanding of poetic techniques I recommend folks here to read 'MUQADDAMA SHER-O-SHAIREE' BY ALTAF HUSSAIN HAALI.
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HumTum
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«Reply #10 on: September 23, 2009, 09:24:32 AM »
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Talat Ji ....


Wohi Dour Phir Se Chalo Dohraye
HasieN Khush rhe chalo Muskuraye

Suno Tumko Dil Ki Sada Keh Rhi Hai
Muhhobat ke Nagme Chalo Gungunaye

Abr Mein Chamakte sitaroN Ki Maniid
KyuN Na Mil Kar Chalo JagMagaye

Juda Hokar "HumTum" Jee Na Sakenge
Ranjish Ko Dono chalo Bhul Jaaye!!


HumTum
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Talat
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«Reply #11 on: September 23, 2009, 03:43:18 PM »
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Quote from: Shayara on September 22, 2009, 05:12:01 PM
Bohot khoob Celmira ji

Bohot shukriya
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Talat
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«Reply #12 on: September 23, 2009, 03:44:48 PM »
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Quote from: mazHur on September 23, 2009, 07:03:03 AM


You have good imagination. However, your poem would have greatly enhanced in beauty if you had kept the poetic meter in view. Let me scan your first line...

Nahi he/ hamara/  koi bhi/ thikana

khaloan/ me he bus/ hamien chal/te jaana

The 3rd and other lines are accordingly out of meter or rhythm---you can check it out yourself.

this is just a friendly advice to friends on this forum about   techniques of poetic writing....

for a better understanding of poetic techniques I recommend folks here to read 'MUQADDAMA SHER-O-SHAIREE' BY ALTAF HUSSAIN HAALI.

Thanks a lot Mazhur Sahab for reading and your kind suggestions. I will try to follow what you have suggested. Thank You.
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Rishi Agarwal
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«Reply #13 on: September 23, 2009, 03:48:47 PM »
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Quote from: Celmira on September 22, 2009, 04:04:33 PM


bahut khub calmira ji apne bahut khubb likha h :clap :clap :clap
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Talat
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«Reply #14 on: September 23, 2009, 03:56:02 PM »
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Quote from: madhuwesh on September 22, 2009, 09:25:56 PM
Really touching n beautiful gazal Celmira ji bahut khoob,mindblowing creation.excellent icon_thumleft Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause

Thanks so much Madhu Ji
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