chubhan.......sheba

by Sheba on May 24, 2011, 06:34:47 AM
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Sheba
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                    sahte ho zulm kyon khamosh rah kar..,
                    samajhte hain phir bhi tumhein sitamgar...,

                    guzre uss roz jo tum meri gali se,
                    batayaa dariche ke chilman ne aa kar,

                    chubhta hai mera hi pyaar na jaane kyon,
                    dekhna zara kisi khaar ko bataa kar,

                    hue fanaa to bhi muskuraye gi mohabbat,
                    haasil kya parwaane sa jigar rakh kar,

                    nahin hai 'noor' khazane mein ab sheba..........!
                    tum aao to rakhe ge andhere ko sajaa kar.....!
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khwahish
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«Reply #1 on: May 24, 2011, 07:07:57 AM »
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"Hue Fanaa To Bhi Muskurayegi Mohabbat
Haasil Kya Parwaane Sa Jigar Rakh Kar

Nahi Hai Noor Khazaane Mein Ab Sheba...!
Tum Aao To Rakhenge Andhere Ko Saja Kar..!"

Waah Waah Waah Waah!!!!

Bahuttttt Bahuttttt Khoob Sheba Ji..Lajawaab....

 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley

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manjum
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«Reply #2 on: May 24, 2011, 08:01:18 AM »
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hut bahut aur bahut khub shebaji.....

 Applause Applause Applause Applause
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manzil-e-ishq
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«Reply #3 on: May 24, 2011, 01:48:57 PM »
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bht bht khoob sheba ji....
sply last one..
simply superb...
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Imdad
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«Reply #4 on: May 24, 2011, 06:14:02 PM »
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bahut achhe seba ji. Bahut khoob.
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Sajid_Ghayel
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«Reply #5 on: May 24, 2011, 08:32:00 PM »
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sahte ho zulm kyon khamosh rah kar..,
samajhte hain phir bhi tumhein sitamgar...,

Jispar zulm hota hai usey mazloom kehte hai, phir achanak woh sitamgar kaise ho gaya.........aapka sher ya to galat hai ya meri samajh me nahi aaya.

guzre uss roz jo tum meri gali se,
batayaa dariche ke chiman ne aa kar,

Yaha aapko is baat ki research karni hogi ke chilman kise kehte hai aur dareecha kise kehte...........tab jaker shayed aapko ehsaas ho aapne kya galti ki hai.

chubhta hai mera hi pyaar na jaane kyon,
dekhna zara kisi khaar ko bataa kar,

Yaha phir aapki khaar wali baat samajh me nahi aayee.....dono misro me connection nazar nahi aaya i mean.

hue fanaa to bhi muskuraye gi mohabbat,
haasil kya parwaane sa jigar rakh kar,

Yaha phir aapne opposite baatein ki hai Parwana to khushi se apni jaan deta hai shama ke liye.........phir parwane ki tanz q diya jaa raha hai.

nahin hai 'noor' khazane mein ab sheba..........!
tum aao to rakhe ge andhere ko sajaa kar.....!

Moor aur khazana yaha sher thoda kamzor ho gaya warna khayaal bohat umda tha.

Meri raaye me to sheba tum aasan lafzo me shayri karo dont go for toooooooo heavy word..........main bhi yahi karta hu. Isse yeh hoga ke you will be comfortable with what u are writing.

Abhi to tum khud bhi confuse ho gayee ho........aasan lafzo me simple si shayri karo dekho kitna maza aayega.

Meri baato ka bura mat manna......main jo keh raha hu tumhari behtari ke liye hi keh raha hu.......meri kisi kism ki madad ki zarurat ho mujhse kehna.
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madhuwesh
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«Reply #6 on: May 25, 2011, 04:06:31 AM »
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Wow superb creation Sheba ji,paheli 2 lines bahut pasand aayi. Hats off to you! icon_thumleft Applause Applause Applause Applause
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sbechain
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«Reply #7 on: May 25, 2011, 05:58:48 AM »
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Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on May 24, 2011, 08:32:00 PM
sahte ho zulm kyon khamosh rah kar..,
samajhte hain phir bhi tumhein sitamgar...,

Jispar zulm hota hai usey mazloom kehte hai, phir achanak woh sitamgar kaise ho gaya.........aapka sher ya to galat hai ya meri samajh me nahi aaya.

guzre uss roz jo tum meri gali se,
batayaa dariche ke chiman ne aa kar,

Yaha aapko is baat ki research karni hogi ke chilman kise kehte hai aur dareecha kise kehte...........tab jaker shayed aapko ehsaas ho aapne kya galti ki hai.

chubhta hai mera hi pyaar na jaane kyon,
dekhna zara kisi khaar ko bataa kar,

Yaha phir aapki khaar wali baat samajh me nahi aayee.....dono misro me connection nazar nahi aaya i mean.

hue fanaa to bhi muskuraye gi mohabbat,
haasil kya parwaane sa jigar rakh kar,

Yaha phir aapne opposite baatein ki hai Parwana to khushi se apni jaan deta hai shama ke liye.........phir parwane ki tanz q diya jaa raha hai.

nahin hai 'noor' khazane mein ab sheba..........!
tum aao to rakhe ge andhere ko sajaa kar.....!

Moor aur khazana yaha sher thoda kamzor ho gaya warna khayaal bohat umda tha.

Meri raaye me to sheba tum aasan lafzo me shayri karo dont go for toooooooo heavy word..........main bhi yahi karta hu. Isse yeh hoga ke you will be comfortable with what u are writing.

Abhi to tum khud bhi confuse ho gayee ho........aasan lafzo me simple si shayri karo dekho kitna maza aayega.

Meri baato ka bura mat manna......main jo keh raha hu tumhari behtari ke liye hi keh raha hu.......meri kisi kism ki madad ki zarurat ho mujhse kehna.


mr sajid thank you for your valuable and noteworthy comments.
for your kind information i am dead sure what i have written and at what circumstances. and i am also sure about the words where and why i have used.you might not agree with the  ASHAAR. but its very easy to predict ones feeling. further i am not going to extact the sher in order to give my thoughts for all the sher i have written.if there is spelling mistakes i will promply correct it. but formulation of total things on other advise never.
well i am a low profile person with normal thoughts to withstand against high intellectual people. but what i compose i ensure my sellf about my feelings.
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khwahish
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«Reply #8 on: May 25, 2011, 06:12:35 AM »
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Main iss Raaye-Mashware Ke Upar kuch Likhna Chaahta Hoon Par Yahan Nahi,Main Iss khoobsurat Thread Ki Khoobsurti Ko Bigaadna nahi Chaahta...

Aur haan Sheba Ji ,Ek Baar Phir Se..Dil Se Daad..Bahut Khoob Likha Hai Aapne..
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«Reply #9 on: May 25, 2011, 07:04:16 AM »
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Superb efforts Shebaji,

 icon_flower sunny

Sajid ji apko comments dena hai to achche dijiye yo.n kisi ke feelings ko dukhaye mat.

 icon_salut icon_salut icon_salut
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Sajid_Ghayel
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«Reply #10 on: May 25, 2011, 07:30:02 AM »
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Usual Smile Dosto mai Q bhala kisi ka dil dukhana chahuga main to Sheba jee ko personally jaanta bhi nahi.........open thread forum hai aur aisi koi condition bhi nahi hai ke yaha sirf tareef ki jaye.

Agar kisi ko sirf tareef sunna pasand hai to woh saaf saaf kehde ke guidance not required tareef karna hai to hi comment dein. Maine jo likha hai woh Sheba jee ki shayri ki behtari ke liye likha hai aur isiliye bhi taki aur bhi members isse kuch seekh sake.

Khair ab pata chal gaya ab aainda Sheba jee ki thread par yeh galti nahi hogi.

Take care and sorry.

Ghayel
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khwahish
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«Reply #11 on: May 25, 2011, 08:05:09 AM »
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Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on May 25, 2011, 07:30:02 AM
Usual Smile Dosto mai Q bhala kisi ka dil dukhana chahuga main to Sheba jee ko personally jaanta bhi nahi.........open thread forum hai aur aisi koi condition bhi nahi hai ke yaha sirf tareef ki jaye.

Agar kisi ko sirf tareef sunna pasand hai to woh saaf saaf kehde ke guidance not required tareef karna hai to hi comment dein. Maine jo likha hai woh Sheba jee ki shayri ki behtari ke liye likha hai aur isiliye bhi taki aur bhi members isse kuch seekh sake.

Khair ab pata chal gaya ab aainda Sheba jee ki thread par yeh galti nahi hogi.


Take care and sorry.

Ghayel

Sajid Ji, main Aapke har Ek baat Ki kadar karta Hoon Aur Yakeen maniye Main Yeh Jaanta Hoon Ke Aap Yakeenan Apni Taraf se kisi ke behtari ke liye yeh keh rahe hai Par Dost, Agar Hum samjhte Hai ke Humein Koi Guun Hai,Yaa Koi Kaabliyat To Hum Dusre Ko yeh Baat Ek P.m ke Zariye Bhi Keh sakte Hia Ke "Haan, Main Jo Soch Raha Hoon, uss Hisaab se Aisa Nahi Hona Chahiye" par Apna Yuh Open Thread mein Kisi Ko Salaah Dena Jaayaz Nahi..Main Koi Shayar Nahi Par Main Upar Likhi Gayi Ghazal ka Har Ek As'haar Mein CHupe Jazbaatton Ko Samaj Sakta Hoon..
bas Aapse Itni Si Guzaarish Hai Ke Insaaniyat Ke Naate,"jab kisi Ki tareef Karo To Dil Se Karo Jab Aapko Lagta Hai Ke Kuch Kami-Peshi hai To Usse Yeh Baat Akele Mein Kaho,Woh Kabhi Bura Nahi Maanega..

Shukriya Dost!!! icon_flower
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sbechain
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«Reply #12 on: May 25, 2011, 08:15:45 AM »
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Quote from: Sajid_Ghayel on May 25, 2011, 07:30:02 AM
Usual Smile Dosto mai Q bhala kisi ka dil dukhana chahuga main to Sheba jee ko personally jaanta bhi nahi.........open thread forum hai aur aisi koi condition bhi nahi hai ke yaha sirf tareef ki jaye.

Agar kisi ko sirf tareef sunna pasand hai to woh saaf saaf kehde ke guidance not required tareef karna hai to hi comment dein. Maine jo likha hai woh Sheba jee ki shayri ki behtari ke liye likha hai aur isiliye bhi taki aur bhi members isse kuch seekh sake.

Khair ab pata chal gaya ab aainda Sheba jee ki thread par yeh galti nahi hogi.

Take care and sorry.

Ghayel

thank u mr sajid. but i dont say anybody to only appreciate my poem. it was your view on my poem. i do respect your view but in the same time i had to clear my stand. thats what i have given.
passing comments positive or negative depends upon you sir,

nobody enforces anybody to give ones valuable comments.
this YOINDIA IS VERY NICE PLATFORM TO SHARE THE FEELINGS.

THANK YOU
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brokenbyluv
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«Reply #13 on: May 25, 2011, 11:29:19 AM »
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Bahut khoob sheba ji...
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sbechain
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«Reply #14 on: May 25, 2011, 12:47:42 PM »
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Quote from: manzil-e-ishq on May 24, 2011, 01:48:57 PM
bht bht khoob sheba ji....
sply last one..
simply superb...

THANK YOU MANZIL
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