Main ik chhota sa bacha tha (NM)

by vb on May 05, 2011, 11:50:48 AM
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vb
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Haan! Buhat puraani baat hay ye
Main ik chhota sa bacha tha

Ik roze na jaanay kya soojha
Kuchh phool chunay thay aangan say
Kuchh chhariyan taaza paton ki
Daali daali kay daaman say

Har ik poday ko khangaala
Koi phool na main ne chhora tha
Apni teacher kay denay ko
Ik guldasta sa joraa thaa

Maasoom banaawat chehray par
Kuchh taareefen si kar lena
“Ye phool buhat he sundar hain
Tum ghar main kisi ko day dena!”

Maasoom say haathon ne apni
Mehnat ka mole tu daikh liya
School say baahir jungle main
Us guldastay ko phaink diya

Kuchh geeton ka ik guldastaa
Main aaj bhe lay kar betha hoon
Main ik chhota sa bacha tha
Main ik chhota sa bacha hoon

*----------------*


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saans
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«Reply #1 on: May 05, 2011, 03:46:51 PM »
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bahut khoobsurat peshkash as usual, achay lejhay mein bayan kee aapnay...likha kijiye, but apnay apko nm nahi likha kijiye...

aapki poem ko parh ke hamein kuch yaad aya, apki poem ka answer tu nahi bas socha likhnay ki koshish karein...sirf koshish keh lijiye

Hamare ghar ke dar say poocho tu kabhi
Hamein preet thi har ik cheez ke saath
Har dewaar, har pathar ki murat say
baagban ke rangeen har phool ke saath
Mushkil tha chorna par kiya samjhauta dekho
Hamne har kamray, har gamlay jo sajaye reet ke saath
Poochna kabhi un kaliyon ko
Jinhaein sanjoya apni ungaliyon say reejh ke saath

(Mere saath barhi huyeen kuch kaliyan jo bikhreen
Un patiyon ko sambhala har geet ke saath
Mere ghar ke taraf ko jaatay har morh say poochna
Kaisey yaad thay har rasta aur raah
Kitnay saawan aur dhoop unhonay saath diya mera
Ruktay thay dar pe ja mere, khush tareek ke saath
Ab na guldastay, na wo kaliyan, na geet rahay hain na raahein wohi
No woh pathar, na who deewarein, jo tak tee then raahein meri udeek ke saath
Woh ma aur baap na pariwar kee preet,
Kuch bichray ik siyaah raat ke saath
Aik chanchal kali kee khata kya bhala
Dhoond dhoond ke roye naye bahanay ke saath

Mera mann abhi bhi kahe ke main
Ya pankh laga urh wapis jaaon
Jag ke in khokhlay bandanon ko
Ya aik naya rukh dikhlaon
Ya aisa ho is kainaat mein
Guriya say gul ban jaon
Ya phir kyun na aisa ho
jab janam milay dobara tu
us ghar ke neenv deewaron mein,
un kaliyon mein, chaubaron mein
un raat ke andheron mein, un sehri sunheri kinaron mein
main bas jaon, yun rach jaon
koi chahay bhi tu na le paye
mere wajood ki mazboot dewaar ko main
apnay say juda na kar paon
nanhi si kali khilay us chaman mein jab,
us kay nazuk haathon ki
lakeerein ban ke ubhar jaon
uski masoom khilkhilahat mein
har dam khishiyon mein gungunaon
jo geet sanjoye thay mainay
us kali ke suron mein suna jaon
kitna sundar tha who jahan
sab pak pavitar bin asha tha
ik yeh jahan jahan uljha uljha sab
ghut ghut ke marti bhasha sa
har aik insan mein who bachpan
har kisi ki khwahisein ik jaisi
koi bhi tu nahi khush is jahan mein
phir kya karni duniya aisi)

uff! kis rawani mein kho gaye ham
ke dil ki tanhayiyon ko bayan kiya
chalain, kuch takreeon ke bal pe,
kuch pal hi sahi phir bhi hamne
apna bachpan phir say maan liya

.........

maaf kijiye, abhi malom hua, ziayada long ho gayee....
 
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sarfira
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«Reply #2 on: May 05, 2011, 06:25:55 PM »
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vb aapka sufi andaaz hume pasand aaya…

saans aapki bayaani bhi kabile tareef hai
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vb
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«Reply #3 on: May 06, 2011, 08:46:51 AM »
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saans jee! poem achhi likhi aap ne... is ko parhnay say is kay lambay honay ka pata nahi chalta... abhi jaanay kitna kuchh ho ga mann main jo reh gaya... bakol kisi shaair k

"afsose, bay-shumaar sukhan haayay guftani
khof-e-fasaad-e-khalq say na-gufta reh gayay"

hum male honay k naatay shayad in ehsaason ko itna na samajh saktay hon... but as a male apni feelings....kabhi qalam ne ijazat di tu  likhen gay.... jaannay kitnay harf ubhray hain zehen ki takhti par...

NM jaisa k 'not mine' hay .. so is ka istemaaal theek he lagta hay hamen.. aur waisay bhe is say farak kya parta hay.. shaair kya hasiyat rakhtay hain.. shaairi ehem maaloom hoti hay... lafz may be reh jaain kuchh arsay tak duniya main... Saahir keh gayay... k "kal aur aain gay naghmon ki, khilti kaliyan chunenay walay... mujh say behtar kehnay walay, tum say behtar sunenay walay" .. kitnay logon ko gharaz ho gi k kalaam kis ka hay.. kuch ko Amitabh mian dikhai detay hain.. kuch ko Mukesh Sahab... khair..

ye yoindia khushbuon ka sheher hay... aangan aangan ghoomiyay... khushbu lejay... phool tu chaman main khiltay he rahen gay...

May-kasho! may khatam, jaam ko tore do
apna moom more lo, may-kada chhore do
(NM as always)

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saans
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«Reply #4 on: May 06, 2011, 05:07:47 PM »
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sirf koshish ki, aapka shayer bilkul sahi hay halaat pe ke, bahut kuch man mein reh gaya...fan nahin ham main woh...and kuch shaair aisee situations pe bhi kuch likh gaye, and aik ham...<...>

ho sakta hay ke aap apni feelings say insaaf kar payein and likh payein, hamse na hua aisa but apkay shayer mutaalik kuch reh gaya tha

<Yeh phool bahut hi sunder hain,
tum ghar mein kisi ko de dena>

Aur kehna ik tum inkay kabil thay
mujko bhatkaya halaton nay
masoom tha na kuch samajh saka,
mujhe behkaya jazbaton nay...
dikhayee diya jab asli chehra,
pashemani ke haathon say
lo aaj main wapis aaya hoon,
gum honay ko shabraton mein

shaairi zinda hay, shaairs kee badaulat!!! so NM likhnay ke liye behtar xplanation dena ya...sirf do aplhabets hee tu hain, replace hee tu karnay hain, kuch lene ko hi keh rahay hain, dene ko tu nahi

har khushbu, har aik ko maafik nahi hoti...

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vb
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«Reply #5 on: May 09, 2011, 07:15:25 AM »
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saans jee! itni buri koshish bhe nahi ki aap ne... agar koi in feelings say jo aap ne bayaan ki.. kuchh waakif ho.. tu mehsoos kar he sakta hay.. aap k alfaaz ki khushboo ko... hum apnay ehsasaat say insaaf kar bhe paain.. tu wo asar na ho ga.. jo kisi aur k ehsasaat k saath insaaf kar paanay main ho ga... achha shaair tu pata nahi kon hota hay.. but mashehoor shaair wohi hota hay.. jo doosron k ehsasaat ki taqleed karta ho..

aap ne poem ko complete kiya kuchh.. khoob kiya.. yehi tu kaha hum ne bhe.. k aisa he hona chahiyay tha.. lakin kya keeja k hum say banawaat na ho saki.. teacher bari theen.. banaawat un k liyay itna bara masla nahi tha shayad.. bacha hay tareef karna chahiyay... bacha hay.. dil nahi tootay ga aisa karnay say...  un ka ehsaan raha.. hum par.. aur ake hum thay k na huva hum say jo unhon ne kaha.. jo aap ne kaha.. thora buhat pretend kar liya hum ne bhe us samay.. khasiyaanay say muskura diyay.. k taareef karnay walay ka dil na tootay.. bachay thay na.. bachay he rahay..
khair.. baki raha NM tu rehnay dejay... insaan hain such much k pathar tu hain nahi.. ab kisi baat par ro parna waisay munasib nahi.. baaki rahi khushbu.. tu sahi kaha aap ne.. bus phool khilnay say murjhaanay tak ka safar hay.. aur itna he samay hay..
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