main ye nahin kahti.....

by sana Afroz on November 12, 2014, 12:38:32 PM
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sana Afroz
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Main tumse ye nahin kahti ,
sitarey tor laao tum.
ufaq k us kinaarey ke ,
nazaarey tor laao tum.
bas ek adnaa si khwahish hai,
teri chahat ke ye jugnu,
mere ander chamakyey hain,
unhein bujhne nahin dena.
bahaaron ke ye jo mausam,
mere atraaf thahrey hain  
unhein rukhsat nahin karna.
ye jo khushboo Ki baarishein,
mujhey gherey huye si hain.
use rukney nahin dena.
main tumse ye nahin kahti,
ke taarey tor laao tum.....
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vb
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«Reply #1 on: November 12, 2014, 01:16:49 PM »
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Mohtarma sana Afroz Sahiba! Assalam o Alaikum

buhat khoobsurat or shandar nazm hay. alfaz kay chunaao ne isay mazeed khoobsoorti bakhshi hay... hamari taraf say bharpoor dad qabool kijay... ye jaan ker bhi khushi hui k aap, wazan men shairi farma rahi hen.. aur khoob keh rahi hen..

ek-do, chhoti si baaten bhi kehna chahen gay... omeed hay k aap bura nahi manaain ge...

pehla misra agar aisay ker len tu wazan men poora ho jayay ga..

"main tum se ye nahi kehti"


"ye jo khushboo Ki baarishein"

is misra main barishen ka wazan durust nahi hay... aap ko bhi shayad yahan mushkil pesh aai hay... isay aisay bhi kr saktay hen, agar aap chahen..

ye jo khushbu ki barsaaten
inhen ruknay nahi dena...

ek aur cheez ki taraf bhi ishara karna hay...

nazm men, "tum, tumhari, tumahara, tumhen etc" aur "too, teri, tera, tujhay" men say koi aik soorat rakhni chahiyay hoti hay... aisa ajeeb sa mehsoos hota hay.. jesay ooper "tum" kaha aur phir neechay "teri" keh diya.. ooper "aap" kaha aur phir "tu" keh dia.. is masla ko ilm-e-arooz men "shutar-gurba" kehtay hen...

ye baaten shayad aap k kisi kaam aa saken.. agar bura laga ho tu maazrat chahen gay.. k hamara maqsad, yehi hay k hum sub ek doosray se kuch seekhtay rahen..

khoobsurat nazm per ek baar phir bharpoor daad..

dua-go
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sana Afroz
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«Reply #2 on: November 12, 2014, 01:41:01 PM »
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Shukriyaa!!! Mujhe bahut achchi lagi tanqeed aapki kyunk tanqeed se hi takhleeq me nikhar aata hai ...thanx for precious informations,I'll be keep in mind ...
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qadeer_junaid
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«Reply #3 on: November 12, 2014, 01:42:24 PM »
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Roomaniyat se labrez aapki is nazm ne dil ke choor darwaze per bade saleeqe se dastak de daali hai ....Ek umda nazm per meri jaanib se beshumaar dad qubool kijiye ...

VB sahab ki ek ek baat se mai ittefaaq dikhata hun .....aur yaarane bazm se ye ilteja bhi karta hun ke VB sahab se ahle ilm hazraat jub tak is bazm me hain unse jitna faida utha sakte hain utha len...


baaqi sana sahibah aap apni is shandaar nazm per dad qubool karen ..


dua go

qadeertoopchi
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sksaini4
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«Reply #4 on: November 12, 2014, 02:50:49 PM »
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waah waah bahut khob qaader saheb aur vb saheb bahut suljhe hue insaan hain inse seekho aur aage badho khush raho
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surindarn
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«Reply #5 on: November 13, 2014, 02:11:18 AM »
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waaaaaaaaaaah bahut khoobsurat ehsaas hai, dheron daad.
 Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
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RAJAN KONDAL
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«Reply #6 on: November 13, 2014, 06:10:01 AM »
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 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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vb
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«Reply #7 on: November 13, 2014, 06:47:49 AM »
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Quote from: qadeer_junaid on November 12, 2014, 01:42:24 PM
Roomaniyat se labrez aapki is nazm ne dil ke choor darwaze per bade saleeqe se dastak de daali hai ....Ek umda nazm per meri jaanib se beshumaar dad qubool kijiye ...

VB sahab ki ek ek baat se mai ittefaaq dikhata hun .....aur yaarane bazm se ye ilteja bhi karta hun ke VB sahab se ahle ilm hazraat jub tak is bazm me hain unse jitna faida utha sakte hain utha len...


baaqi sana sahibah aap apni is shandaar nazm per dad qubool karen ..


dua go

qadeertoopchi


Mohtaram qadeertoopchi Sahab! salam

Aap kay khaloos or mehrbani k hum qaail hen, lekin maazrat k sath guzaarish kerna chahtay hen k hum sahab-e-ilm nahi hen... ilm-e-arooz per kuch moti moti buzurgon ki kitaben zaroor dhoond ker parhi hen aur mazeed parhtay rehtay hen, lekin hum khud abhi tak shagird kehlanay kay bhi laiq nahi hen.. aur yaqeen janiyay, ye haqeeqat hay, inkasaari nahi...

hamen ye nazm buhat achhi lagi, zaahir hay k ehsaasaat say bharpoor nazm hay, so hum se raha nahi gaya aur mashwaray de diyay, wagarna ab hum kabhi kabhi sirf ye itelaa denay yahan aatay hen ek, bakol-e-saaahir, "main abhi mara nahi"...

ek baar pehlay bhi ek mohtarma k ashaar pr tanqeed barayay islaah ki juraat ki thi, wo sahiba shayad naaraaz ho ker mehfil he chhor gain... us k baad hum tanqeed ki himmat nahi kerty..

aap ne izzat afzaai farmaai... aap ka bay-hadd shukria..

dua-go
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sana Afroz
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«Reply #8 on: November 13, 2014, 07:00:47 AM »
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Aap bilkul fikr na karein VB shb mujhey tanqeed hi pasand hai lekin wazan Mein. Tanqeed baraye islaah honi chahiye na Ki tanqeed baraye tanqeed ..  Aap mujhey apne nadir mashwarey detey rahein plz..  Mujhey achcha lagega...
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vb
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«Reply #9 on: November 13, 2014, 07:03:50 AM »
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:]:
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qadeer_junaid
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«Reply #10 on: November 13, 2014, 12:14:16 PM »
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Quote from: vb on November 13, 2014, 06:47:49 AM

Mohtaram qadeertoopchi Sahab! salam

Aap kay khaloos or mehrbani k hum qaail hen, lekin maazrat k sath guzaarish kerna chahtay hen k hum sahab-e-ilm nahi hen... ilm-e-arooz per kuch moti moti buzurgon ki kitaben zaroor dhoond ker parhi hen aur mazeed parhtay rehtay hen, lekin hum khud abhi tak shagird kehlanay kay bhi laiq nahi hen.. aur yaqeen janiyay, ye haqeeqat hay, inkasaari nahi...

hamen ye nazm buhat achhi lagi, zaahir hay k ehsaasaat say bharpoor nazm hay, so hum se raha nahi gaya aur mashwaray de diyay, wagarna ab hum kabhi kabhi sirf ye itelaa denay yahan aatay hen ek, bakol-e-saaahir, "main abhi mara nahi"...

ek baar pehlay bhi ek mohtarma k ashaar pr tanqeed barayay islaah ki juraat ki thi, wo sahiba shayad naaraaz ho ker mehfil he chhor gain... us k baad hum tanqeed ki himmat nahi kerty..

aap ne izzat afzaai farmaai... aap ka bay-hadd shukria..

dua-go


Mahutram VB sahab ... Aadab ...

Aapka khat masool hua go ke massarat ka baais bana ...mahutram Allah ke rasool SAW ka irshaad hai ke do pyaase kabhi siaraab nahi hote 1- Ilm ka 2- hirs ka ..

mutaala to umr bhar chalta rahega ...taham tanqeed bara-e-islaah adab ko farogh dena hai ...ab agar koi kaar e nek gurez kare ya naqqad se taasub rakhe ..to usko jaan lena chahiye ke Alla ke rasool SAW ne irshaad farmaya ..paachwa (5th) na ban warna halak ho jayega ..

1 - aalim ban
2- mutaalim ban
3- ghaur se sunne wala ban
4- ilm aur ahle ilm se mahubbat karne wala ban

5th na ban warna halak ho jayega ..aur paachwa (5th ) ye hai ke tu ilm aur ahle ilm se bughz rakhe ...


masha allah aap yoindia ke un chuninda hazraat me hain jinko na sirf fanne shairi balke shair goee me bhi kamal hasil hai ....Allah apko duniya jahan ki barkaton se malamal rakhe aur umre nuh ata kare ..

dua go

qadeertoopchi
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