joke bajaar............

by arsenmen on August 22, 2007, 06:18:57 PM
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arsenmen
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Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either a politician, an attorney, or possibly someone in
upper management!!!"
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #1 on: August 22, 2007, 06:20:48 PM »
Engineer... An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car when the car stalls by the side of the road. The electrical engineer says "Let's strip down the wiring and try to trace where the fault might have occurred." The chemical engineer says " Maybe the fuel has become emulsified and is causing a blockage somewhere in the system." The software engineer says " Why don't we close all the windows , get out , get back in , open the windows , then try it again."
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angel4u
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«Reply #2 on: August 24, 2007, 05:27:26 PM »
:D:D:D
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #3 on: August 26, 2007, 03:40:56 AM »
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated
each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could
be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I
will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you
for the rest of your life!"

Neighbours feared him. They believed he practised black magic because
of the many strange occurrences that took place in their
neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His
wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went
straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no
tomorrow. Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you
afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the
grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old creep dig. I had
him buried upside down."
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #4 on: August 26, 2007, 03:48:16 AM »
A police inspector from Bihar catches a thief & asks the Constable to write the F.I.R.

The thief was a Bengali.

Constable: Kya naam hai?

Thief: Chatterjee

The inspector overhears their conversation & gets furious

Inspector: " Chup saale ek to chori karta hai uparse ji lagta hai ! Sirf Chatter likh " (instructs the constable)
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arsenmen
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«Reply #5 on: August 26, 2007, 03:49:11 AM »
A mushayra was going on

Shayar :

" Palko ki chilman se kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake"
Arz kiya hai " Palko ki chilman se kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake"
Gaur farmaye " Palko ki chilman se kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake kabhi hum jhake kabhi wo jhake"

A man from the crowd getting irritated stands up " Are aag laga do aisi chilman ko na tum jhako na wo jhake....! "
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #6 on: August 26, 2007, 03:50:11 AM »
Three guys were riding on a bike.
Traffic cop stopped them & shouted : Don't you know this is against the traffic rules?
                         
What are your names? He asks

The 1st one says Sir " I am Ram "

The 2nd one says " I am Laxman "

The 3rd one says " I am Bharat "

Before the 4th one could say anything the traffic cop turns towards him & say " You must be Shatrughan "

Excited all the boys ask " Yes sir but how do you know that...? "

Traffic cop: " Coz I am Ravan "
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #7 on: August 26, 2007, 04:02:28 AM »
A man shares the secret behind his trouble free marriage with his friend.

He says " One has take to take lot of decisions in married life which often creates disagreement among husband & wife, so we have divided the decision taking responsibility. All the small decisions are taken by me such as how to plan the vacations, which school to send the children, where to spend the money etc. And she takes all the big decisions."

Friend: That's nice. And what are those big decisions?

He: Like should India attack Pakistan? Whether the goverment should continue, Should Aishwarya marry Abhishek etc. etc
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #8 on: August 26, 2007, 04:29:38 AM »
A usual inspection was about to happen in a village school. The teacher had instructed the students a day before that they should come to school with thorough preparation.

The inspector visits the classroom & asks 1 student: Batao Parshuram ka dhanush kisne toda tha?

The students gets nervous, he stands up shaking & says: Masterji main bhagwan kasam khata hun maine nahi toda!

The inspector looks at teacher in astonishment.

The teacher comes close to the inspector & whispers in his ears: Pointing towards a student the teacher says " Sir mujhe lagta hai Mukesh ne hi toda hai! Class ka sabse saitan bachcha hai aur iski ungliyon pe dekho nishan bhi hai! "
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shonaa
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«Reply #9 on: August 26, 2007, 05:41:46 PM »
hahah good ones arsenmen :D   :D   :D   :D  =D>
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #10 on: August 27, 2007, 07:03:12 PM »
guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference."
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"
The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #11 on: August 28, 2007, 05:11:41 PM »
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #12 on: August 28, 2007, 05:22:38 PM »
Father : How was english exam?

Son: Good

Father: Show me your question paper

After reviewing the question paper father asks " & what did you write in the essay 'MY FATHER'

Son: I wrote my father is a washerman

Father get angry & shouts: I am a Police Commissioner & wrote bloody Washerman...?

Son: Daddy I didn't knew the spelling of Commissioner
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #13 on: August 28, 2007, 05:36:20 PM »
Once three sardars decided to go on a picnic. When they got there they realized that the had forgotten the soda. They asked the youngest of them to go back  & fetch the soda. The little sardar said he will go only if they promise that they will not eat the snacks till he returns to which everyone agreed.

A day passed, a week went by, then a month & finally a year

Two sardars said : Oh come on! He will not come back so lets eat the snacks

Suddenly the little sardar popped up from behind a rock & shouted:

" If you do like this then I won't go"
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arsenmen
Guest
«Reply #14 on: September 02, 2007, 03:59:30 AM »
Soon after winning the party nomination for a safe seat a politician dropped dead. On hearing the news, another party member moved swiftly to get the seat.

He rang the party president and said, “You probably don’t know yet that old Bert is dead. Would it be all right with you if I took his place?”

“Yes, that’s okay by me,” said the president, “as long as it’s okay with the undertaker.”
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