Santa & Banta

by indianraj_us on July 31, 2004, 04:39:43 PM
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indianraj_us
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«Reply #90 on: July 31, 2004, 06:41:08 PM »
A dietician was once addressing a large audience... "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
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indianraj_us
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«Reply #91 on: July 31, 2004, 06:41:34 PM »
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
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«Reply #92 on: July 31, 2004, 06:41:54 PM »
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."
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«Reply #93 on: July 31, 2004, 06:42:14 PM »
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
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«Reply #94 on: July 31, 2004, 06:44:10 PM »
One Liners
 
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me
before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37
States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some
people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough
sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as
little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case
...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal
desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets
pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't
have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my
hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept
falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened,
small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis
raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and
they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes
got stuck in my nose
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«Reply #95 on: December 22, 2009, 01:18:50 AM »
 Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard
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Rajesh Harish
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«Reply #96 on: March 13, 2010, 10:24:07 AM »
 Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard Laughing hard
Nice jokes Indianraj Ji
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