Mai chhoone ko ab aasmaaN chaahtee hooN.................Mamta Bajpai

by mamta bajpai on September 02, 2010, 05:26:15 PM
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mamta bajpai
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AaNkhoN me sapne jawaaN chaahtee hooN
haathoN me rang e hinna chaahtee hooN

na haasil huaa kuch bhee khoon e jigar se
beemaaree e dil kee dawaa chaahatee hooN

meeloN chalee dhoop me zulmatoN kee
chaahat kee baarish me bheegnaa chaahtee hooN

dard o gham se pare geet hai pyaar kaa
tujhe zindagee gungunaanaa chaahtee hooN

Ahal e mehafil moujoodah gazal me taqneekee khaamiyoN kee vajah se mai ne ise dobaarah likhne kee koshish kee hai....jo aap ke saamne hai...ise yahaaN dobaarah likhne kaa maqsad sirf itna hai keh mujhse taalib e ilm is se kuch seekh sakeN.......

AaNkhoN me sapne jawaa.N chaahatee hooN
hothoN se naghme rawaa.N chaahatee hooN 

na haasil hua kuch bhee khoon e jigar se
mai ranjish kee umr e kalaa.N chaahatee hooN

yuN meeloN chalee dhoop me zulmatoN kee
mai ab yaar ka aastaa.N chaahatee hooN

mohabbat ke phooloN se mahakee fizaa ho
haqeeqat me aisaa jahaa.N chaahatee hooN

umaNgoN ne mujhko woh par de diye haiN
mai chhoone ko ab aasmaaN chaahtee hooN


Mamta Bajpai
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #1 on: September 02, 2010, 05:53:03 PM »
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Mamta Jee Aadaab!

Behad umdaa Gazal nazar pesh kii hai aapne..... Har ashaaar per daad, Ek wargi aisa laga hume ke Silent "N" wale kafiye istemaal meiN liye aapne fir "AA" per aa gayiN... Yeh munaseeb hai ke nahi yeh hume pata nah per aapki Gazal se aisa lag raha hai ke munaseeb hai..... Chunki yeh radiff hi aisa hai complicated hai.... Humare sawaal ka gar aapke pass sahiN ilm hai to bataiyeNga warna humari darkhast un shayaroN se hai jinhe iska ilm ho woh zarur batayeN....

Khair ek umdaa gazal per dil se daad Hazir hai......
Likhati rahiye....
Khush rahiye.....
Khuda Hafez......         

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«Reply #2 on: September 03, 2010, 02:57:40 AM »
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bahut khoobsurat peshkash hai ye aapki Mamta ji... bahut khoob likha hai aapne.....!!!

 Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley Clapping Smiley
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #3 on: September 03, 2010, 05:05:49 AM »
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Parvez jee !sab se pahle to aap ka shukriya ada kartee hooN.Aap ne sahee kahaa keh noon gunna waale qaafiye behad complicated haiN.mujhe jahaaN tak ilm hai ba'az ashaaroN me kuch had tak ye gustaakhee muaaf kee jaa saktee hai or aisaa kabhee kabhee dekhne ko bhee miltaa hai .lekin mai kahaaN tak sahee hooN mujhe ilm naheeN.Is muaamle me mai bhee ustaadoN kee rai jan-na chaahtee hooN.
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mohsin akhter
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«Reply #4 on: September 03, 2010, 05:31:25 AM »
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AaNkhoN me sapne jawaaN chaahtee hooN
haathoN me rang e hinna chaahtee hooN

na haasil huaa kuch bhee khoon e jigar se
beemaaree e dil kee dawaa chaahatee hooN

meeloN chalee dhoop me zulmatoN kee
chaahat kee baarish me bheegnaa chaahtee hooN

dard o gham se pare geet hai pyaar kaa
tujhe zindagee gungunaanaa chaahtee hooN

umaNgoN ne mujhko woh par de diye haiN
mai udane ko ab aasmaaN chaahtee hooN


Mamta Bajpai

AAPKE KALAM KI JITNI BHI TAREEF KI JAYE KAM HAI

KEEP IT UP
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #5 on: September 03, 2010, 06:04:14 PM »
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Parvez jee !sab se pahle to aap ka shukriya ada kartee hooN.Aap ne sahee kahaa keh noon gunna waale qaafiye behad complicated haiN.mujhe jahaaN tak ilm hai ba'az ashaaroN me kuch had tak ye gustaakhee muaaf kee jaa saktee hai or aisaa kabhee kabhee dekhne ko bhee miltaa hai .lekin mai kahaaN tak sahee hooN mujhe ilm naheeN.Is muaamle me mai bhee ustaadoN kee rai jan-na chaahtee hooN.

Mamtaa Jee aapki baat bhi durust hai kahiN kahiN aise kafiye chal jate hai..... Haan agar aapke paas koi dalil hai koi bade shayar ke ashaar ki to zarur pesh kijiye hum bhi mutmaeen ho jayeN.......

Waise hume lagta hai ke aisa munaseeb nahi hai... KyuN ki gazal ko jab rawaani dii jati hai gane ke liye to wahaaN meter gadbada jata hai.... per aapne jo jawaaN lafz istemaal kiya hai woh kahiN aisa nishaaN nahi de raha hai ke us meiN nun ki alamat hai.... Is lihaaz se kaha jaa sakta hai ke koi koi word use kar sakte hai hum....

Khair achcha hoga gar koi ilmdaan hi is per roshni daleN..... Usual Smile Guzarish hai humari ke plz yahaaN koi apne ilm ki roshni dale......           

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sbechain
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«Reply #6 on: September 03, 2010, 06:11:12 PM »
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AaNkhoN me sapne jawaaN chaahtee hooN
haathoN me rang e hinna chaahtee hooN

na haasil huaa kuch bhee khoon e jigar se
beemaaree e dil kee dawaa chaahatee hooN

meeloN chalee dhoop me zulmatoN kee
chaahat kee baarish me bheegnaa chaahtee hooN

dard o gham se pare geet hai pyaar kaa
tujhe zindagee gungunaanaa chaahtee hooN

umaNgoN ne mujhko woh par de diye haiN
mai udane ko ab aasmaaN chaahtee hooN


Mamta Bajpai

MUJHE UMANGON NE WO PAR ....KYA KAHNE BAHUT KHOOB  MAMTA JI
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #7 on: September 03, 2010, 10:41:15 PM »
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SHEBA JEE ! NAZAR E INAYAT KE LIYE BEHAD SHUKRIYAA...
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #8 on: September 03, 2010, 11:10:11 PM »
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 PARVEZ JEE ! AAP NE DURUST FARMAYAA HAI..HAQEEQAT TO YE HAI KEH GAZAL KE BAARE ME MEREE MALOOMAT KAMZOR HAI...AAP JIS NOON KEE ALAAMAT KEE BAAT KAR RAHE HAIN KYAA USE IS TARAH LIKHAA JATA HAI (jawaa.N).URDU KO ROMAN ME LIKHNE KAA SAHEE TAREEQAA MUJHE NAHEEN AATAA HAI.LIHAAZAA IS BAARE ME MUJHE RAAH DIKHAAYEN.AAP MUJHE JITANAA AQLMAND SAMAJH RAHE HAIN HAQEEQAT ME MAI UTANEE HOON NAHEEN.BEMEL QAAFIYE KEE DALIL MERE PAAS HAI JO MAI AAP KO ZAROOR DOONGEE.FILHAAL MAI NE ISEE GAZAL KO SUDHARNE KEE KOSHISH KEE HAI JO YAHAAN DE RAHEE HOON. OR IS SE MUTALLIQ AAP KEE RAI KA INTEZAAR RAHEGAA....

aaNkhoN me sapne jawaa.N chaahatee hooN
hothoN se naghme rawaa.N chaahatee hooN

na haasil huaa kuch bhee khoon e jigar se
mai ranjish kee umr e kalaa.N chaahatee hooN

yuN meeloN chalee dhoop me zulmatoN kee
mai ab yaar kaa aastaa.N chaahtee hooN

umangoN ne mujhko woh par de diye haiN
mai choone ko ab aasmaaN chaahtee hooN

mai sabhee ilmdaanoN se guzaarish karooNgee keh gazal ka haq ada ho sakaa kyaa?
Mamta Bajpai
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #9 on: September 03, 2010, 11:14:42 PM »
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MOHASIN JEE BADE DINO BAAD AAP SE MIL KAR KHUSHEE HUI......YON HEE HOUSLA BADHANE AATE RAHIYE.........
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qadeer_junaid
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«Reply #10 on: September 04, 2010, 01:50:00 PM »
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Mamta saheba aadab,,

mashallah kya khoob ghazal kahi hai apne ..dad hi dad ..mujhe ye dekh be inteha massarat ho rahi hai ke ab har bhr me taba azmai kar rahi hai ..ye apke zahin hone ki dalil hai .. allah apko aur bhi taraqiyun se nawaze ..Dili dad o mubarak baad ki mustahiq hain app..

Jaise ke parwaz sahab ne kafiye ke mutaliq arz kiya hai wo baath dusurt maloom hoti ..chunke jaawan..jaise ke apne khud arz kiya hai Noon Gunnah pe girta hai ..bilkul baja farmaya apne ..to is surat me kafiya Alif pe girana ki azadi nahi milti apko ..ye bus meri zaati rai hai mai galat bhi ho sakta hon ..ap dekh len

Magar mai samjhta hon ke iski zarorat hi nahi chunke apne jo naai surat is ghazal ki chaspa ki hai uske kya hi kahene hain ..meri ilteja yehi hai ke paheli wali surat ko kharij kar den ..Hazarah dad apki is naai ghazal pe...bus do ik baten arz karni hai ..so kahe deta hon umid hai meri in baton ka bura nahi manegi...

Meelon Chali Dhop me zulmaton ki
Mai ab yaar Ka aastaa.N chahtee HooN.


Is sher Ke pahele Misre me Ik Rukn Kamm Maloom hota hai .. Agar ap Pahele Misre ko yun kahen to Wazn Thik ho jayega shayad..

Yun Miloo.N...............


Akhir sher bhi khoob Kaha hai wah wah..

 Udne ko Chune se badal Ke dekhiyega .. Waise apki ghazal ka har ik sher murassa hai ....apki is pur-acar , pur -lutf o murassa ghazal pe phir dad .. allah apko khush rakhe ..Meri baath se mutafiq hona zarori nahi...


khadim o khaddam


Qadeertoopchi
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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #11 on: September 04, 2010, 09:14:05 PM »
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Mamtaa Sahibaa Aadaab.....

Jee pahele to hum mazarrat chahate hai ke shayad aap humare sawaaloN se tees hone lagiN hai.... Hum shayari ke ilm meiN koi maharat nahi rakhte hum aapko bata dete hai... Bus justaju hai ke naya naya ilm hasil hota rahe aur humare ilm ka zakheera badhe....

Gar aap humare sawaaloN se parehsaaN hokar yeh nayi gazal kahi hai to dili muafi chahte hai....

Aapki yeh Gazal bhi umdaa rahi...  Bus ismeiN hume yeh "KalaaN" lafz ke mayne nahi maloom baki aapki gazal masha Allah hai .... aur haaN Qadeer Sahab ne jo baat kahi hai hum bhi usse ittefak karte hai udne ki jagaaH agar aap "chune " kar deN to kia baat hai..... Aapki is gazal per bhi dil se daad hazir hai...

Likhati rahiye Khush rahiye....
Khuda Hafez.... Usual Smile       

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ParwaaZ
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«Reply #12 on: September 04, 2010, 09:19:47 PM »
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Qadeer Sahab aadaab!

Jee janab aapka bahut bahut shukriyaa ke aapne apne ilm ki yahaaN roshni dali.... Aur humare bhi zahen se yehi baat durust lag rahi hai...... chunki jab Nun guna wale lafz bhi beshumaar hai aur " aa " guna waloN ki to kami hi nahi hai to shayad hi aise kisi bade shayar ne bhi istemaal kiya ho kahiN hume yehi lagta hai.....

Aapki yahaaN aakar roshni dene ka bahut bahut shukriyaa janab..... Aage bhi apni rai se aur ilm ki roshni se hume raah dikhate rahiye.... Khush rahiye....
Khuda hafez.... Usual Smile         

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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #13 on: September 05, 2010, 12:31:27 AM »
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Parvez saaheb ,
               namaskaar o aadaab
                                 Sab se pahle to mai is baat ke liye naaraazgee zaahir kartee hooN keh aap mujhe maazrat kah ke sharmindah kar rahe haiN. yahaaN aisa kuch bhee naheeN hua jo aap maafi maangeN.balke aap ke tankeedee tabsire se hume behad faaidah hua hai.or hum aapke is baat ke liye ahsaanmand haiN.agar aap ke sawaal na uthte to ye gazal is andaaz me na saNwartee or gumnaam se apnee bebasee par aaNsoo baha rahee hotee .aap ke sawaaloN se mujhe kisee bhee qism kee koi uljhan naheeN hui.aap yaqeen kareN ya na kareN, ye mere liye dilee masarrat kee baat hai keh ye gazal aap kee nazar se guzaree.
maine bhee gazal ke mutaaliq jo bhee seekhaa hai woh yo par aane ke baad hee seekhaa hai.ye tankeedee mashware sirf humaare hee liye nahee balkeh un tamaam kari ke liye bhee haiN jo apne ilm me izaafaa karnaa chahte haiN behad faaiydemand saabit hote haiN.
meree nayee gazal me jo kalaa.N shabd aayaa hai uska lafzee maine hai bad.a ,lambaa.ek baar phir se mai aap ke behad mashkoor o mamnoon hooN .gazal kee raahoN me haeshaa isee tarah saath nibhaate raheN.
mamta bajpai
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mamta bajpai
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«Reply #14 on: September 05, 2010, 09:17:09 AM »
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Qadeer saaheb ,
              aadaab o namaskaar,
                                 Aap ka khat paRha .mujhe apnee galatee samajh aa gayee isee liye us me sudhaar kee koshish bee kee gayee hai.parvez jee ne bhee durust hee kahaa hai.mujhe lagta hai mere paas word power kam hai ...ise baRhana hoga...
aap ne yahaaNaa kar apnee qeematee rai se humeN nawaazaa iske liye behad shukriyaa...aap kee or parvez jee kee rai ke mutaabiq maine changes kar diye haiN jo gazal kee khoobsooratee me chaar chaNd lagaa rahe haiN....
mamta bajpai
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