bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun:Shayri-E-Dard

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Topic: bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun (Read 267 times)

vaishnav

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bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun

« on: August 18, 2007, 05:47:00 PM »

bejeer ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun
teri yaadon me mai beqraar ho raha hun
dil bhi hai mera, yaaden bhi hain meri
un chand lamhon me mai baar baar mar k jee raha hun
tnhaai cha gai hai vajood pe mere, mai hajaar bar mr k bar bar ji raha hun
aata hai yaad mujhe vo din jis din tu door khada hans raha tha,
khta hua mujhse mai aa rahi hun
achchanak tufaan aaya, tu mujhse ojhal, jindgi bojhal ho gai,
sunai deti hai mujhe abhi bhi vo aahat k tu aa rahi hai, teri hansi, teri khilkhilahat, teri baaten, dhundhta hun tujhe pr tera saaya bhi nahi pata hun,
mai thk k apne se bejaar ho jata hun,
aisa bhi nahi tujhe bhulna na chaha,
tera ehsaas mai khud se juda na kr paya,
jitna dor hota hun utna kareeb pata hun,
mai aur tujhse juda nahi rh sakta, mai ab ajaad hona chahta hun,
dorr aakash me uncha udna chahta hun,
tere sath me mai dunia pe cha jata,
pr ab mai is dunia k paar jana chahta hun.


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purani_jeans_aur_guitar

Maqbool Shayar

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bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun

« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2007, 06:58:33 PM »

nice 1 vaishnav ji ........aapki poem mai feelings kaafi aachi rahi ,
per aage se koshish kijiyega ki jis shaandaar tarike se aapne is poem ko suru kiya
usi tarah iska ant bhi kar sake ....matlab poem ka jo bhav hai woh puri poem mai bana rehna chaiye..
hope u'll understand it and 'll do much better next time...
anyway welcome to yoindia !!!


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{Angel}

Khair-Khwah
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bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun

« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2007, 11:36:17 PM »

Nice one.
welcome to yoindia Usual Smile


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Celmira

Khair-Khwah
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bejaar ho raha hun mai jaar jaar ho raha hun

« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2007, 12:12:00 AM »

Very nice Vaishnav...Good effort...nice suggestion Fahi..

Vaishnav, you have written good ....try to maintain the flow of the poem.....Very good effort...Keep writing...hope to see more from you Usual Smile